Pokélinality: The Greatest Pokemon Story Sometimes Told
by The Great White Whale
Summary: Still alive, apparently.
1. Chapter 1

"Well, this is the last time we'll talk, isn't it?"

Indeed, it would end up being the last time Ash and his very true meaningful companions would have a long, melodramatic conversation while eating dried bananas while sitting around a fire. These companions could not have been better chosen if our father in the sky had reached down from heaven and picked them himself, for they all embodied the traits that faithful companions should embody. For example, one of them was made of tacos. No amazing pok_é_mon quest to save the world could ever truly have happened without a faithful companion made of tacos being there to assist Ash and sometimes the others. Ash beckoned to the man made of tacos to sit beside him on the log that was made of crystals, for how could anyone make it to the final stage of the quest without everything being made of crystals? Ash was really fucking sick of crystals.

"Man made of tacos, I think it is time that we recap the events that have passed up until this point, so that we who have experienced these adventures do not forget the adventures we have recently experienced."

The man made of tacos did just that.


	2. Chapter 2

"…and what the hell is your name?"

"Wes."

"Wes who?"

"About fifty miles Wes of here."

He was absolutely right. About fifty miles wes of that conversation, a little guy named Ash was busy procrastinating in a town called Pallet_town. The most distinguishing feature of Pallet_town was the impenetrable thicket of trees that surrounded it on three sides. Despite the seeming visual appearance of a space between each tree, they seemed to project some kind of force field that prohibited any movement into the forest beyond. Ash was very glad that he lived in Pallet town proper instead of this dump. Ash himself was not very remarkable, as his personality consisted of running, screaming, and occasionally doing both at the same time. He had a collection of trophies that existed for the trainer that entered every single league and came inches away from victory only to be defeated at the last moment by some random guy who would mysteriously vanish immediately after winning, never to be seen again. Ash was the kind of trainer that somehow was able to obtain the exact same result from every attempt at the Pokémon League, and it frustrated him to no end, along with the odd fact that despite spending twenty six years being twelve years old, he had never actually stopped being twelve years old. Today was the day that Ash would figure out why.

Ash stepped outside of the ugly plywood house that had his name on it and looked into the sky. Normally, this would be a preposterously stupid idea, but a gigantic bird happened to be flying right where the sun was. As if it had heard Ash scream some nonsense about catching it, the bird slowly descended to the ground. It was one of those rainbow phoenix things, only it had lost half the rainbow and was stuck with just red, yellow, and orange. Some people call them Ho-Ohs, and some people think that's a stupid fucking name in regards to the plural version of the word. Ash was not too keen on grammar, so he called them Ho-Ohes.

_ "Ash, my son, our holy father in heaven, Arceus, has sent me to deliver a message." _began the bird in an italicized voice. Ash was, of course, not listening, but frantically rummaging through his bag to try and find a pokéball to catch the bird. On the painful discovery that he had none after throwing them into the sea in an agonizing fit of rage, he decided to listen to what the bird had to say.

_ "Ash, have you ever wondered why you have not grown from twelve years of age? Why victory has forever eluded your grasp? I would grant you the answer to these questions, but it shall be more important that you discover them for yourself. Instead, behold!"_

Ash beheld the vision the bird presented, a vision of swaying coconut trees, a city made of gold, and a chorus of joyous nurses.

_ "What lies before you is the Promised Land, Ash. The glorious destination for the righteous. The city of angels. What lies beyond the pearly gates. The light at the end of the tunnel! And many other things. But before you can enter, there is a task you must complete. A grave, necessary task, which falls upon your shoulders. Are you ready to bear this burden?" (The bird did not wait for him to answer.) "It is written that our most sacred treasure, now buried deep beneath the earth, must be returned to its rightful place. You must leave Pallet, and venture to lands unknown to recover this treasure. But do not worry! There will be friends and allies along the way to aid you on your quest, as well as enemies and obstacles. You must be forthright, for _the fate of the world depends on it_. To begin, you shall travel about fifty miles eas of here. Godspeed!" _Having finished speaking, the bird took to the skies again, and was gone.

It took a little while for the significance of this event to get through Ash's thick skull, but he eventually decided to go back in his house. He gathered some food, water, Brock and Misty, and his Pikachu. Right before he left, he decided to tell his mom that he and some friends would be leaving on a vaguely religious quest to save the world.

"Mom, some friends and I are leaving on a vaguely religious quest to save the world." Ash said.

"All boys leave home someday. It said so on TV."

That settled it. Ash, Brock, and Misty set off on the road that led about fifty miles eas, eager to begin their adventure.


	3. Chapter 3

After thirty miles on the eas road, the sun had set, so Ash and his friends decided to set up a camp for the night. Fortunately for them, there was a tree that had decided to fall over and splinter itself into several pieces of wood capable of sustaining a fire. Unfortunately, this tree was not anywhere near them, as the road by Pallet_town was not known for its subculture of suicidal trees. Nevertheless, Brock managed to scrounge up some firewood from a convenient rift in space-time, and quickly worked on cooking the Mystery Stew (The Stew is capitalized as it has some sort of terrible air about it, and those who bear witness to its awful conception can all agree that something as horrible as the Stew should always be worthy of being a proper noun). Ash and Misty, being dead weight as was par for the course, decided to talk about the quest.

"I wish I had caught that Ho-Oh. I like to catch Pokémon and to make new friends." Ash said.

Misty paused for a moment before her brain interpreted the message correctly. "Was Ho-Oh a water type? I like water types. Would you like to hear me talk about how water types are my favorite?"

"Okay, but afterwards we have to talk about awesome my Pokémon are and how friendship is great."

This went on for an hour, but it so happened that the space-time rift took mercy on the world and swallowed up the rest of the conversation so that innocent lives might be spared from listening to it. The Stew had finished cooking by then, and they consumed it with equal amounts of fear and disgust. Brock was exempt from this, as his intensive knowledge of the Stew had given him immunity to its effects. This time, one of those effects was immediate incapacitation, which was a great relief to the space-time rift already filled to the brim with an hour's worth of tedious filler.

The next morning was full of promise, and exceptionally dewy. Ash's pokédex would have piped up with some idiotic explanation of how the dew was created by some Pokémon in some way that might make that Pokémon seem more interesting, but it was feeling rather depressed and decided not to say anything. After another hour and a half of walking, they came upon a clearing in the forest where a mysterious shrine stood, as well as two other people engaged in a conversation. One of them was exceptionally striking. He was a man around the age of twenty, with gray hair and brown eyes. He wore sunglasses, a long blue coat with a strange device attached to the sleeve, and jeans. There was something magnificent about him; in his smile, both terrifying and exhilarating, and through his voice, which always managed to be charming and assertive no matter the situation. In some ways, he felt like the aspirations of every amateur trainer brought to life: he was goddamn **cool**. He wasn't some stupid ten year old pipsqueak running errands for old professors; he was an independent guy who did what he wanted. He used to be a criminal, he was good with women, and he even had his own hovering motorbike! When compared to Wes, the guy standing next to him could not be said to have any distinguishing features.

"…and what the hell is your name?"

"Wes."

"Wes who?"

"About fifty miles Wes of here."

Ash, of course, already hated Wes. Now, the average human being that had enough experience with basic social interaction could easily identify this as jealously, but Ash, having spent his entire life interacting with cardboard cutouts resembling people, had no idea why he was angry. He chalked it up to the weird thing on Wes's coat. Anyone with that _thing_ on their coat must be some kind of a freaky circus freak, he thought. Of course, Brock and Misty were not prone to making extremely rash judgments based solely on appearances, so they decided to acknowledge the incredibly obvious.

"We just came from fifty miles wes of here!"

Wes turned around and noticed the newcomers for the first time. "Fascinating. Did you, by any chance, happen to notice a large red bird?"

The memory of not catching the bird made Ash even angrier, so he decided not to speak.

"Well, anyways, I happened to see this giant red bird a little while ago. It told me to keep an eye out for some '_ashes_'. Have you three happened to notice any fires on the way here?"

Even Misty managed to recognize this old chestnut, albeit with some difficulty. "I think the bird was referring to our friend Ash here. Maybe it was the same bird that he saw yesterday!" she said, oblivious to Ash gritting his teeth.

"That would explain the phrasing the bird used. He asked me to take the _ashes_ to the city of Venice, but perhaps he was referring to you! Interesting…" Wes paused to check one of his coat pockets before continuing. "It just so happens that I have a motorbike that could take us to an airport. If you're willing to go, of course. I can't guarantee that we'll find anything there, but I think Arceus meant for us to work together on this if He sent one of His servants to guide us."

"What's a Venice?" Brock said.

"Well, it's Venice, the, ah, city in Italy, with canals, and romance, I think. Surely you've heard of it before…"

The three of them shook their heads.

"Well, I would hope that seeing it up close in person might give you an idea of what I'm talking about. Anyways, I've parked my motorbike a short ways ahead from here. I'll wait for you if you want to spend a few minutes deciding, but I won't wait for much longer than that." Wes then turned around and began walking into the forest ahead and quickly vanished from their sight.

Ash was somewhat conflicted on the whole adventuring business. One on hand, he didn't like Wes. On the other hand, he wanted to catch that damn bird even if it meant being near Wes, and Venice was his only lead on the bird. These two conflicting thoughts played tug of war for a couple minutes until he made up his mind.

"We should go on this adventure to Venice I don't like Wes!" yelled Ash.

They ran forward and caught up with Wes, who was waiting for them with his hovering motorbike. He looked up at them and gave a wicked grin.

"I didn't think you guys would go. Well, at least not the guy in the middle. It might be a bit cramped, but we shouldn't have to stay in this for very long."

It was in fact quite cramped in the sidecar as they drove to the nearest airport, but it was not nearly as bad as listening to Ash and Misty talking about nothing. At any rate, they arrived at the airport, where there was an obligatory scene involving Brock hitting on a female employee that was not mentioned due to it being completely identical to every other time he had attempted to do so in the past. What was significant was the world map Wes had brought along. As the plane took off, he made sure to draw a line with a marker connecting the city they had left to Venice, for most experienced adventurers knew that drawing connect-the-dots on a map was crucial to the whole experience.


	4. Chapter 4

The second saddest thing about Venice was how pretty it was. Ash, Brock, and Misty did not really deserve to see the city in all of its glory, but, sadly, no vengeful water spirit was available to impress a thick blue filter over everything for the purposes of ruining the visuals. And thus they were forced to walk among the many canals, the many towering feats of renaissance looking architecture, and the not so many statues of the mythical guardians of the city. These statues did not seem to fit in with the rest of the city, and had an unnerving air about them, as if they were watching you when your back was turned. Wes swore that he had noticed one of them move its eyes, but this was attributed to the sun.

Of course, their journey to the city was not just for quickly glancing at historical artifacts and riding in gondolas. The first place they intended search for clues on their quest was the oldest, most mothballed library they could find. To this end, they decided to ask for directions. And it seemed as if the thought had only just entered their heads when a teenage girl materialized seemingly out of nowhere. She had brown hair and a face that invited all kinds of physical violence with her arrogant smile. Wes, being more in control of himself than his traveling partners, decided to ask her for the whereabouts of the oldest, most mothballed library in town. The girl did not say anything, but pointed towards a smallish building wedged in between two cafes. Upon entering, they found many dusty old books about everything but religion, and many dusty old other things about everything but ancient religious artifacts. Upon exiting, they found that same teenager waiting for them. She looked exceptionally pleased with herself.

"Well, since you're here, I just hope it wouldn't be too much of us to ask if you could tell us…" Wes began, but the girl did not let him finish. She began sprinting into an alleyway, and it was only due to the best of their abilities that Wes and the others could keep up with her. She ended up leading them to the second oldest, second most mothballed library in the city. Upon entering, they found many dusty old books on religion that were written with the express purpose of not mentioning anything having to do with ancient religious artifacts. Upon exiting, the teenager was again waiting for them, and she was now in the possession of the biggest shit eating grin imaginable.

"Now, maybe this might be a little clearer," Wes began with a noticeable hint of venom in his voice, "but could you tell us where we can find information on ancient religious artifacts? Those related to a Ho-Oh?"

This rather specific request seemed momentarily damper the girl's good mood. She beckoned for them to follow, and led them through another labyrinthine ally to the most recent, all-covered-in-postmodernist-glass library in the city. They followed her inside, where she ran over to a not at all dusty row of books, and picked out one that had a rather conspicuous piece of paper marking a page. Bizarrely, the marked page only contained one sentence.

_and take the ashes from the first graveyard, and bequeath them upon our Father, so that he may scatter them upon the winds_

Even Ash could have recognized those italics anywhere. "Did you see that fucking bird?! I need to catch it!"

"Ash, be quiet! This is a library!" Misty replied, being her usual contrary for the sake of being contrary self.

"I very much admire the female form." Brock said.

Wes briefly thought about the passage, and then turned to the girl. "Do you know where we might find this graveyard?" he asked, now audibly excited.

"You have to go to Rome, of course. There aren't any catacombs in Venice; the sea level is much too low." The girl gave another smug grin when she was finished talking. She was exceptional at doing that.

The party felt great relief once they boarded a train heading south, as they made damn well sure not to invite the girl along with them. Thinking they were safe, they entered their room and decided to relax for the time being. However, after a couple minutes had passed, they suddenly noticed that the girl was with them, even though there was no way she should have been able to get in unnoticed. Ash was the first to jump on this tangent.

"How did you get here?"

The girl gave off yet another awful smile. "I went through the window, obviously. Smart people always lock their windows."

Wes, already annoyed from her previous escapades, got right to the point. "Why have you been following us?"

"Are you on a mission from God, Wes?"

"How did you know my name? I never-"

"I said: are you on a mission from God?"

"… well, yes. But what does-"

He stopped speaking, as the girl had suddenly stopped being a girl, and now was something else entirely. She looked like one of the foreboding statues brought to life, with a long grey body that ended in two large red wings, with small red arms complete with talons that could skewer a rat. Her skin was rough like sandpaper, and cold to the touch. Her eyes resembled those of sharks, and whenever she opened her gaping jaw to talk it was impossible not to notice the many, many, many teeth lining it. It was a little unsettling. Ash was not fazed by this, however, as he was busy formulating a plan for catching whatever the hell she was. Ash was truly a Pokémon trainer at heart.

The creature continued talking, though it no longer sounded anything like a smug little girl. "I am on a mission from God as well. The same mission, in fact. One of His servants had asked me to watch for a man wearing a strange machine on his arm. You see, I am the guardian of Venice. I know many things about the city, and I have a good guess as to what we're looking for. For now though, we should rest. The angel I saw was quite reserved when I questioned him on what obstacles I might face in the very near future, so he was obviously hiding something important. There's no doubt that those old catacombs have attracted something unpleasant, to say the least."

When the train arrived, the sun had just recovered from its morning hangover, and was now shining brilliantly. So brilliantly, in fact, that the streets were so hot that you could fry an egg on them. The guardian, who had taken the form of the teenage girl again, led them to an old church that was empty save for a few spiders. In the entrance hall, she stopped at a seemingly innocent section of the wall, and produced an iron key.

"Now, I'm sure you've never encountered anything like this before, so let me explain. This is a door you can't see, and I'm going to use this key to open it." She paused to wink condescendingly at the others. "Do you understand now?"

It might have been the case that Ash and Misty failed to grasp the concept of the invisible door, but they continued on anyways. The door led to an ancient staircase leading downwards, and they soon found themselves in the kind of catacombs perfectly suited for hiding clues about ancient religious artifacts. The mold, the oppressive chattering of vermin of all kinds, the darkness, and the sloshing murky water all seemed to have been placed by someone with the intent of creating the most memorable catacombs he could possibly make. Everyone was thankful the guardian could see in the dark when she took on her other form. Thankfully, whoever had indeed built the catacombs did not bother to design them in any particular mazelike fashion, and they soon came across some unlit torches that had been helpfully stacked in a corner. When Wes took the liberty of lighting one with some help from Pikachu, it revealed that the entire room they were standing in was host to a large collection of paintings by some renaissance artist. It was abundantly clear why this artwork had not seen the light of day, as it depicted a romantic venture between two handsome men, starting at a lovely breakfast meeting and ending with the physical act of love taking place beside a riverbed while a full moon looked down upon the couple. The next room after that had portraits of the male gods of the classic Roman pantheon, all of whom were not depicted with enough clothing to be considered, among other things, 'safe for work'. The next room was a dead end, containing shelves holding various objects. The room appeared to have been visited recently, for many of the objects had been scattered across the ground, and there were faint footprints visible on the floor. Indeed, a few seconds after they entered the room, they heard a distinct thud from behind them. They turned around and saw the ever familiar trio of criminals: Jessie, James, and the obnoxious cat.

"Team Rocket?! How could you guys have followed us here?" Ash yelled.

James, who was holding a small red velvet pouch, decided to explain. "I don't know how the hell we managed to get here before you despite not knowing of this place, or of this venture until five minutes ago, but we did. We had to make our cameo appearance somehow!"

Jessie and James then began to state their motto.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unitARGH!"

The guardian had taken a large bite of James's shoulder, and was now violently shaking him like a ragdoll. Jessie and Meowth took off running almost immediately. Once James dropped the velvet pouch, she let him go as well, whereupon he also began running and screaming.

"Good thing the pouch wasn't opened. We need it to stay closed for now if we want to proceed any further." The guardian mused, her teeth still bright red and dripping.

The others were a bit shaken by this sudden outburst of violence, but they deemed it prudent not to mention it when the guardian was in earshot. And given her unerring ability to be in places she shouldn't, the possibility of place that was out of her range of vision seemed to be out of the question.

The train ride back to Venice was a quiet one indeed. It seemed the guardian was well aware of the effect she was having on the general mood of the adventurers, and probably was secretly laughing at them. Eventually, Wes decided to speak up.

"Look, about what happened with the Rockets…"

"Yes?"

"Look, you could have killed or seriously injured that man…"

The guardian smiled. "Aren't you silly? If I was trying to kill him, I would have gone for his neck. All the good blood vessels are there."

Wes was already regretting starting the conversation, but he decided to press on. "You said that we were on a mission from God, right?"

"Absolutely."

"And isn't one of His commandments, "Thou shalt not kill?"

"I don't know why you're so very afraid of me. Why, I could very easily have killed all of you scores of times by now, but I haven't done so. Wouldn't you say that reflects well on me?"

"I can't say it does."

She laughed.


	5. Chapter 5

The overall sour mood of the travelers appeared to be contagious, for when they arrived back in Venice they were greeted with a seemingly endless barrage of rain. The guardian again led them through an alleyway, which led to a rather innocuous wall.

"Now, I know this wall looks like your average, run of the mill wall. And it would be, except you can walk right through it. This is where we need to scatter the ashes."

They walked through the wall, which led to a narrow corridor that opened up to a park. The park itself was not notable; save for a large grouping of people who were singing praises to god knows what. They wore long hooded purple robes, and were gathered in a circle. They did not notice the guardian and the others, as the rain was quite loud and it was getting dark.

Wes kept watching them while the others hid back out of sight. He did not like the situation at all.

"Who are those creeps?"

For once, the guardian did not grin before or after speaking. "I can't say I've ever seen these people before. This park is supposed to be hidden, after all. I think we should just try to scatter the ashes and hope they leave us alone."

Predictably, they only managed to walk a few steps out into the park before they were spotted. The hoods quickly surrounded them, and began chanting something that sounded like Latin.

"Maybe they want to challenge us to a Pokémon battle!" said Ash.

After a couple rainy minutes where the hoods continued chanting, it became clear that they did not, in fact, intend to challenge them to a Pokémon battle. What they were planning involved light blue collection of magic looking runes that were now being drawn at the center of the circle of the hoods, as if some invisible hand with a paintbrush was responsible.

"But how are these hooded guys making those runes?" asked Brock.

"We're not just any hooded guys, we're cultists!"

"Crazy cultists!"

"You better run, cause we're summoning something nasty!"

"Something unspeakable!"

"Something mouthwatering!"

They had indeed summoned something. Floating above the runes was something that looked exactly like the guardian's monstrous form, but with blue wings and markings instead of red ones (a complaint about the reused character design was subsequently filed two days after this incident).

"Look up and despair, for we have summoned the malevolent force that is Dark Latios!" said a cultist.

'Dark' Latios did not seem happy about this. "You idiots! Adding the adjective 'Dark' to things just doesn't cut it anymore! I am no longer Dark Latios, but Shadow Latios! Servant of the darkness and all things that are shadowed under the darkness, because shadows are bad and so am I!"

A cultist quickly grabbed a notebook and starting writing down what he was saying.

"Now, you simpleminded peons can step aside, for my shadow power alone is easily enough to handle these weaklings!"

The cultists quickly ran over and sat down a good ways off to the side. Truth be told, most of them were happy to do this after several hours of standing in the rain.

"Now, see my most powerful attack! Luster purge!"

Shadow Latios then purged the luster from the adventurers. The attack was so effective that none of them could be said to be at all lustrous after it ended. This was especially accentuated on Ash and Misty, who somehow became even duller than they were previously.

"Well, I have to hand it to you. You just killed our luster. That takes guts." said the guardian.

"You may laugh, sister, but you are as foolish as the rest of them, for that was actually my weakest attack!"

"Sister? I thought we were cousins."

"That matters not. Face my strongest attack!"

Using his psychic powers, he levitated Brock into the air, which made him easier to hit.

"I hate to be a bother, but we'd very much appreciate it if you could hurry up a little. We're kind of busy."

Shadow Latios snorted. "You may think you have won, but you overestimate yourself. For I have ascended to the eighty fifth power level, which has taught me my most powerful attack. Here it is! Memento!"

Shadow Latios severely lowered the groups attacking prowess. And then he died.

Wes was curious about several things, but he decided to ask one question for the time being.

"If he was a Latios, would that make you a Latiose?"

"That's incorrect. It would make me a Latias. But if you start calling me that, I'll get very annoyed, as that's not actually my name, is it?"

She then took the velvet pouch and flew above the park. She opened it, and the ashes flew every which way in the storm. Once they had all exited the pouch, a remarkable thing happened. A small hole in the clouds opened, and the ashes gathered there. Suddenly, there was a burst of flame, and a small image of a Ho Oh appeared in the light.

"_Eh? Who is this?"_

"The servants you chose for a holy quest under Arceus, our lord and savior. We have scattered the ashes in Venice, as par your request." said Wes.

_"Oh. Well that was… fast."_

"What should we do next?"

There was an awkward moment of silence.

_"You know what? You should, um, go to a party. Yes, that is exactly what you have to do. Go to a party."_ The image of Ho Oh fidgeted around before producing a scroll, which he gave to Wes. The image then disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the ashes on the ground. Messily scrawled on the scroll was an address.

_Mr. Daniel Butterfield_

_4326 Prolific Dr_

_Laketown, AZ_

After a long flight and several hours of walking, the group did manage to locate the specified address. And based off the amount of cars parked in the vicinity, and the awful rave music coming from within the house, there did seem to be a party. Not having any better options, they walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. The door was opened by a man of around forty, with a stout figure and a protruding belly. He had scraggy brown hair that covered much of his face, and small beady eyes that seemed to twinkle in the light. He was exceptionally cheerful and more than a little drunk, and seeing the bedraggled travelers on his doorstep did nothing to diminish his good mood.

"Now, what's this? I thought all the guests had already arrived." He rubbed his eyes. "Unless you were the ones the bird mentioned…"

"Would that bird, by any chance, happened to be one italicized individual?" asked Wes.

The man scratched his chin. "It might have been… Well, I can let you guys in, but you just have to tell me the story of how you got that snag machine!" He had a small fit of laughter before he stepped inside.

The house was brightly lit, and several clusters of people were gathered around various points of interest. One of these points was the television, which was showing the latest episode of Sex House: San Diego. From somewhere that was hard to locate, some exceptionally loud speakers continued to blast out horrible music. And in the center of the main room housing the main attractions was a white table host to a good variety of drinks and hors d'oeuvers. Compared to the lawlessness that the state was known for, the party seemed relatively normal by comparison.

The man stopped at the white table. "I'm afraid I'll have to excuse myself for a moment, so make yourselves at home. Feel free to talk to the guests, they won't bite. Once I'm back though, I absolutely have to hear your story!" With that, he quickly went up some stairs and out of sight.

Ash, Misty, and Brock quickly joined the crowd immersed with Sex House. The guardian had slipped off somewhere, so Wes decided to grab a drink. He had barely sat down when someone came up to him.

"Say, aren't you that guy? That guy who rescued that girl. The one with red hair at Phenac city?"

"Maybe."

"Well, she keeps asking people if they've seen you around. Word is Cipher's back in town again. Supposedly they've got a new plan for world domination. One that involves robots. And time travel. Or time traveling robots. I didn't really listen to what she was saying."

"Are explosions in any way involved with that plan?"

"Oh, yeah. Explosions. That's what I was missing."

"Well, I know the man you're looking for. His name is Michael Bay, and he's the mastermind behind the new Cipher. You're welcome." Wes took a sip of the drink.

The man, excited to have this new piece of information, bounced off to tell his friends. Wes then noticed the guardian walking towards him. She looked very pleased with herself.

"Look over there." She pointed towards a chair, where Brock was sitting, having apparently fallen asleep.

"Eh? What about him?"

"Let's keep this a secret between you and me, but he's dead."

"Dead? How?"

"Well, after the billionth time he unsuccessfully attempted to hit on a lady, I just had to put him down. So I poisoned his drink."

If Brock had acted like an actual human being instead of a robotic vehicle for spouting catchphrases, this might have bothered Wes more. Nevertheless, he tried to discern more about the circumstances. "And who was this girl he was hitting on?"

"Me."

Now Wes began to feel somewhat uneasy. "Is there anything in my drink?"

"I can't tell you! That would ruin the surprise!"

At that moment, the man who had opened the door returned from upstairs. He walked over to Wes; some other partygoers decided to listen in as well.

"There you are, my guests. Ah, I can't believe I forgot to introduce myself earlier! My name is Daniel Butterfield. You can just call me Dan. And what are your names?"

"You can call me Wes."

"I'm Aletterosa." said the guardian.

"Not the type for last names? Well, I've been thinking about that bird. If it was the same bird we all saw. It gave me something that you need to see. Of course, it's far too late to be talking about something that deep, so I think we should all relax before we take a good look at it. By the way, are you fans of Sex House? I must say, this season's even better than the first!"

Wes and the guardian both shook their heads.

"Well, that's a crying shame! Anyways, if you don't mind me asking, how did you happen to find that snag machine? I hear they are quite hard to come by."  
"I'm afraid I do mind you asking."

Dan, feigning disappointment, audibly huffed. "Well, I'm sure I'll be able to wring it out of you later. Anyway, I'll be off to see how this episode turns out. I think the commercial break is almost over!" He then strutted off to the TV, followed by a swarm of guests.

Wes turned to the guardian. "Was that really your name?"

"Only time will tell, I think."

"And for god's sake, tell me what the hell is in my drink!"

"Sugar cubes." She broke into a fit of laughter. "Oh man, the look on your face!"

As the night dragged on, the guests started to leave. Curiously, Brock vanished along with them, and was never seen again.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, after a hearty meal of eggs and bacon (all from undisclosed sources), the travelers gathered in front of the house to examine the next clue from their mysterious guide. Dan in particular was quite nervous, for his hands were shaking and several beads of sweat had formed on his forehead as he brought the box which the bird had given him. The box was plain and wooden, and very heavy. Inside was a jade carving of a serpent. It appeared to have been made recently, despite its resemblance to centuries old Mesoamerican carvings.

"Now, the bird I saw was in a big hurry, he told me. He said, you had better take this box and show it to these, ah, travelers. Now, the serpent, I think, is some sort of Mayan deity. I've always been interested in those temples they built. Perhaps we should visit one? I can't think of anything else this serpent might be related to."

None of the others could think of anything better to do. Dan then led them to the garage, where there was two vehicles waiting. One of them was a battered old van with fading beige paint and a few dents here and there. Dan had packed it with supplies the day before, so they all climbed in and left the horrible state of Arizona to head south.

Much of the long journey was spent in silence apart from the occasional inane babbling from Ash and Misty. Wes specifically recalled seeing something large and green briefly appearing in the sky, but what it was he could not say.

At some point the road they were on led into a thick jungle. Somewhat worryingly, no one could seem to remember how they had got onto the road in the first place, and none of them could say where the road was going. Just before they decided to turn back, the road ended at a clearing. The clearing held one of those majestic step pyramids that tend to be the only things people can ever identify as being from the Yucatan. However, this pyramid seemed to be in pristine condition, especially compared to the weathered ones that always featured prominently in a tourist's photo. The white stone making up the pyramid gleamed in the sun and was completely free of the clinging vines that seemed to visibly wither under the blue sky.

As they stepped out of the van and began climbing the pyramid, the box holding the serpent seemed to grow lighter for every step upward they took, until it seemed weightless as they reached the top. There at the top was a large circular slab surrounded by four carvings of the mythological feathered serpent very reminiscent of the jade carving the bird had given them. Dan decided that the most logical thing to do would be to place the jade serpent upon the dais and hope for the best. As soon as it touched the stone, they heard a loud screeching from above, and saw a large green thing flying very quickly towards them. It was a gargantuan green snake-or it at least resembled one- that could very well have been the feathered serpent save for the feathers. It had many fins and ridges and yellow markings, and even some vestigial arms, but it had no feathers. It coiled itself around the pyramid, putting its massive head at the same level as the travelers, and it began to speak. Its voice was very loud and very juvenile.

"HELLO THERE MY NAME IS RAYQUEZOTL BUT YOU CAN CALL ME RAYQUAZA WHICH IS AN ANGLICIZED VERSION OF THE NAME WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THIS SACRED TEMPLE ON THE FINEST OF SUMMER DAYS?" asked the serpent.

A rather dazed Wes answered him. "We were sent here by a Ho Oh."

"AH THAT'S RIGHT HE TOLD ME TO LOOK OUT FOR SOME PEOPLE AND SEND THEM WHERE THEY NEED TO GO BUT I'M AFRIAD THAT WILL COST YOU SOMETHING!"

"What kind of something?"

"A SACRIFICE YES THAT IS WHAT I NEED SOME KIND OF HUMAN SACRIFICE AH I THINK I HAVE IT NOW-"

Without warning it grabbed Misty and swallowed her whole, which somehow did not impair its speaking ability at all.

"THE GOD'S BIRD TOLD ME THAT YOU TRAVELERS WERE TO BE SENT _THERE_ THE ONLY QUESTION IS IS IT _UP_ OR IS IT _DOWN_?"

"I don't-"

"I SAID IS IT UP OR IS IT DOWN? ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME ANSWER ME-"

"It's down! Just stop talking, please!"

The serpent, apparently satisfied with this answer, suddenly loosed a great ball of fire at the travelers. This fireball, however, was different than other fireballs. Rather than instantly killing them, it simply enveloped them and made them slip into a trance not unlike sleeping. When it ended, they were somewhere completely unfamiliar. They were lying in a shallow pool of very fine sand in a cave made of smooth, gray stone. The cave was filled with many odd plants that grew from every nook and cranny, which had flowers that glowed and lit up the cave in many different colors. Some of the plants bore fruit, and the most enticing fruit of all was one that resembled a ripe fig in many ways. The cavern itself was rather large, but it did not branch off anywhere else save for an ominous gash in the rock that led downward into a seemingly infinite abyss. The sand in the pool seemed to be draining into the gash, though this seemed impossible given that all the sand would have drained away days ago if that had been the case. The cave itself felt like it had not seen humans for a very long time.

For some reason, leaving the trance had left Wes feeling exceptionally thirsty. The kind of thirstiness that brings with it chapped lips, a dry mouth, and a severe headache. He was never particularly fond of figs, but the ones growing here seemed absolutely exceptional. He walked over and reached for one, only to find Aletterosa standing in his way.

"Now, Wes, I'm sure you must have heard of these kinds of stories before. If you eat that fruit, you'll never be allowed to leave! Or it will make you never want to leave. Or it might just make you know the intricacies of good and evil. I'm not sure which, actually."

She then plucked the fig he was fixated on from the plant and threw it into the gash in the floor. For good measure, she decided to slap him, too.

Dan, who was still struggling to get up, decided to interject. "You should know that those stories are all about showing the weakness of women. By being the sensible one, you've gone and ruined the whole rhetoric."

"But I'm not a woman, Mr. Butterfield. I'm so much more interesting than that."

Wes tried to push the fruits out of his mind for the time being, though the thirstiness did not leave. "Is there any way we could leave this place? I could use some water."

"There's only one way to go, I'm afraid." She gestured towards the gash in the floor.

Wes gazed down at the infinite blackness. "I don't suppose you could fly us down there?"

She did not answer. When Wes began to turn around, he felt a pair of hands suddenly pushing him, and he fell into the abyss for about a second. He landed on some springy grass, and when he looked up he didn't see floral patterns waving across the surface of a cave, but rather the night sky. In fact, it was the most beautiful night sky he had ever seen, for it was unblemished by the lights of cities and had more stars than a person could ever name in their lifetime. The grassy hill he sat on was facing a large body of water, which was calm and serene. After a couple of moments, Aletterosa gracefully floated down in her monstrous guise, and Dan landed with a large thud next to Wes. Attentive ears would have noticed the lack of a fourth thud, but the travelers did not.

After wrenching their eyes away from the captivating heavens, Dan noticed that a small boat was slowly drifting in their direction. The boat was unremarkable, save for a small piece of paper taped to the side that said, "ROW ME." So they did.

The shore they had set off from faded into the darkness far quicker than it should have, and soon the boat was lost in the open water. And then it started to rain. Some thick black clouds that had been previously on the horizon had blocked out the stars, and brought with them a torrential downpour and howling winds. All that was missing, thought Wes, was a waterspout. That would just about make it the worst possible conditions for their stupid dinghy.

The boat, ill-equipped to handle the conditions, was rapidly filling with water. And to top it all off, a gigantic wave was about to collapse on top of them.

"I think we're going to need a bigger boat." said Aletterosa dryly.

And then the water hit.


	7. Chapter 7

When Wes awoke, he first noticed Aletterosa perched over him, like a sparrow perched over a particularly juicy worm. It occurred to him that he had never seen her sleeping.

"It's a good thing you're such a skinny toothpick, or I wouldn't have been able to carry you this far. Just be thankful us dragons don't fear the water. Unless that water happens to be less than or equal to 0° Celsius. Then it starts to hurt."

Wes got up and stretched his arms, which felt like they had been recently run over by a steamroller. At least the thirstiness was gone.

"Do you know what happened to Dan?"

"I don't know where he is. I don't think he's dead, though. There's just something about this place that tells me we aren't experiencing reality directly…"

Wes decided to look around. They were on what appeared to be an island, with steep cliffs that foamy waves crashed upon often. The water carried with it a strong salty wind that chilled the exposed skin. The landscape was rocky and bushy, with a few wizened trees here and there. Apart from the waves and cawing of birds they could not see, they could also hear the faint noises of sheep of some sort that appeared to be emanating from a cave further uphill. Being lost, they decided to follow the sounds.

The inside of the cave had been shaped and cut with a good deal of precision, for it was divided into distinct areas for cooking and sleeping. There was a hearth that was filled with ashes, and various scattered tools that had not been used for a long time. Of particular note was a fenced off area that overlooked the sea, which, at a glance, appeared to hold nothing. However, if one paid close attention, they would notice wispy figures that faded in and out of the light. They seemed to be a ghostly flock of Mareep, still going through their daily routines as if they were still alive.

"Even if you forget the small shoals…"

The travelers turned and noticed the voice that had begun to sing. It came from a gray apparition that was now sitting on one of the stools that surrounded a table. It was a Dusclops, who was holding an ethereal harp in its hands. Despite the fact that the harp produced no noise when he plucked the strings, he continued to do so anyway.

"In my lonely room, our fig weeps…"

Wes walked up to the ghost, though Aletterosa kept her distance.

"Excuse me."

The Dusclops, upon hearing his voice, dropped the harp, which dissolved into smoke when it touched the floor.

"Are you visitors? It's been so long since I've had visitors." The Dusclops waved a hand in front of his eye, as if he could not really believe what he was seeing. "Let me get you something to eat."

The Dusclops stood up and grabbed several plates, which were bone dry and void of anything edible. He placed these on a round table, and then walked off to get some cups. These cups, too, were empty, but the Dusclops handled them as if they were filled to the brim with some unknown liquid. He set them down on the table before taking a large swig from one, which remained empty.

Wes eyed the empty plates with suspicion. "I don't think we can eat any of… this."

The Dusclops looked at him. "You mean to say that you aren't dead?"

Wes shook his head.

"I see. Are you searching for the North Star?"

"The North Star?"

"Everyone looks for the North Star here. In fact…" He began shuddering, as if the memory he was recalling was painful. "…there was someone else that was alive. He was looking for it, too. Oh God, he was here wasn't he? WASN'T HE?!"

He lurched forward and grabbed Wes by the throat. "TELL ME WHERE HE IS, YOU-"

Aletterosa ran and grabbed a worn knife that was lying around, and stabbed the Dusclops in the eye. He let go of Wes, and dissolved into smoke that faded away.

"You can never trust ghosts, Wes. They're so temperamental and moody. You just never know when they're going to snap." She gave him a knowing smile.

Wes took a deep breath to steady him. "Alright. Do you know where we should go now?"

"There." She pointed to a wall of the cave, which had splintered open into another darkened passage similar to the one they had recently fell through. This one, however, simply acted as a horizontal passageway that led through darkness until it ended with a door. When they opened the door, it led onto another island, the door disappearing behind them as they exited it. What first caught their attention was the wreckage of a large wooden ship, much bigger than the small dinghy they had ridden in previously. It had apparently crashed into the coral reef that was visible beneath the sea, which was a clear blue greenish color. The sandy beach felt burning to the touch, and was littered with small sea creatures here and there and most noticeably, scattered glass bottles of many different colors. These bottles formed a makeshift trail which led further inland, into a thick forest of trees and ferns. Following the trail, which weaved in and out of the forest, the travelers then stumbled upon a wooden shack which overlooked the ship's wreckage at a closer vantage point. Inside the shack was a low lying mattress that showed its age, some rotten bananas thrown in a pile, and a small rusted iron chest that lay unopened. As Wes moved to open it, a voice came from one of the corners of the shack. "Don't touch it."

The voice's owner was a small blue creature that was lying in a dark corner of the shack. The creature stood up and walked into the light. Standing up, he reached about to Wes's knees. The biggest part of his body was his head, which was connected to a small body with smaller limbs. He wore a small band of cloth covered with dried blood, which covered one of his eyes. The other eye, which had three small circles above it, was fixated right on Wes with an unnerving grimness. He had two antennae, which were flat against the back of his head. He held an empty bottle in one of his limbs, which were gelatinous enough to be shaped into hands if he needed them. His voice was exceedingly scratchy, as if he had taken a good mouthful of the beach in one of the bottles and swallowed it.

"I know what you're looking for. That goddammned _bird_ sang his tune, and you both lapped it up like dogs. Well, I'll only say this once. Forget it. Forget every stupid lie that bastard put in your head and walk away. It's not too late. You can still escape. God knows I've tried."

Wes scratched his head. "I don't really know what you're talking about. Who are you, anyway?"

The creature dropped the bottle. "I'm the prince of the seas. Always was. And then this birdie comes and says, 'Look here, little prince. Wouldn't you want to go on an adventure?' He was playing me for a fool, and I took his goddamn bait and found what he wanted me to find. Such a god damned fool. And now it looks like he's found some more idiots to get his treasure."

Aletterosa was beginning to tire of his rather hardboiled rants that had no specific details in them. "Well, could you tell us where it is now, whatever you were looking for?"

"I left it where I found it."

"Where is that?"

"I can't say. If you go and find the snake's feathers, he'll tell you."

"Why can't you say?"

"I'm under oath. I don't break oaths as easily as you do." Having said that, he slumped back onto the ground, and gazed sadly at the empty contents of the bottle.

"And where might we find the snake's feathers?" asked Wes.

The prince of the seas feebly raised a limb and pointed towards the center of the island.

As they ventured into the jungle, the ground began to rise, slowly at first, before turning into a sheer rock face that was almost vertical. Navigating it was slow and laborious, for the rocks were made of jagged obsidian and there were very few footholds. Nonetheless, they managed to reach the summit of the mountain, which overlooked the whole island in its tropical splendor. The peak of the mountain had been blasted away at some point, leading Wes to suspect it of being some dormant volcano. As they descended into the crater, the overpowering smell of sulfur seemed to confirm his suspicions. The bottom of the crater held a small altar, which had a tiny headdress made of obsidian, which had many feathers. As they approached it, a small green serpent crawled onto the altar. It was Rayquaza, only it now was the size of a garter snake. It looked up at them pleadingly, and began to speak again.

"You've found my feathers. I used to be able to find them on my own, but that was centuries ago. Now I can never do anything by myself. The only reason I could send you here is because of that carving you generously donated. What you saw on the pyramid; that was what I used to be like. You see, people used to believe in me. I wasn't just some old _story_. I was a real deity that people prayed to and fought in the name of. But all those people are dead now. And now I'm nothing but some dusty old relics and entries in mythology textbooks. So, please, before you touch those feathers, promise me something. Promise me, no matter what you see and what you do; you won't forget the Feathered Serpent."

Wes promised that he wouldn't forget, and grabbed the feathers. Another fireball engulfed them and they were back at the pyramid along with Dan and Ash. The gigantic version of Rayquaza was gone, and so was the carving of the jade serpent. In its place was a map.

Dan looked confused. "How did we end up here? All I remember was that tidal wave, and then everything went dark, and then we ended up back here."

Ash looked even more confused, as usual. "Huh? I thought we were just standing here the whole time."

Wes shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure of it myself, but we were separated after that wave. Anyways, we should check out this map."

They all gathered around the map, which had a decidedly important feeling to it. Most of it had been damaged by fire to the point where it was unreadable, but they could make out a line leading from the pyramid they stood on to the north, which was the supposed location of the Great Stone Mountain, according to the map.

Wes briefly thought about what the prince of the seas had told him, but decided not to worry about it. After all, he did not seem to be the most trustworthy character he had ever seen. With his doubts reassured, they set off for the mountain.


	8. Chapter 8

The path to Great Stone Mountain, as labeled on the map, began with a road that soon led the travelers out of the jungle and out into an open savanna. Here the grass grew quite tall, as if to make up for the lack of trees. The trees that did grow were short and provided inadequate protection from the sun. The sky, which had previously been clear, now was host to a large clumping of cumulus clouds that lazily drifted overhead. The travelers counted themselves as quite fortunate not to have encountered any of the local wildlife, though they couldn't say whether that would be worse than the merciless sun, which kept beaming on their faces until they were burned red. Even Aletterosa was not exempt from this; though her draconic form was resistant to heat, it did begin to wear on her over time, and she was not exempt from the need to consume water. Worst of all though, was poor Dan. Not being the most athletic person, he was prone to stopping every hour or so, and he was sweating constantly. All these misfortunes they linked to the mysterious disappearance of their van when they had returned from the strange realm the serpent had sent them in. Not that it mattered, as it was out of gas anyway.

Fortunately for them, they did receive some respite when the clouds grouped into a storm. Not a storm with a drop of rain, of course, though it did have plenty of wind and lightning to make up for it. They certainly wished for the sun to come back when the lightning started a fire, which made the issue of finding more water a bit more urgent.

As they ran, they neared a three trees standing over a remarkably blue rock. They then heard voices whispering to them, which seemed to be coming from each of the respective trees.

"… it's safe here..."

"… stay with us…"

"… we'll protect you…"

Having no better options, the travelers took shelter by the rock. The fire, which was already spreading much more quickly than it should have, stopped at the boundaries of the grove of trees, forming a circular wall of flames that lapped hungrily at the vegetation it couldn't quite reach. The thick smoke from the fire surrounded the grove, but did not penetrate beyond a thin curtain of air that formed a boundary between the grove and the fire.

"… it burned the last time, too…"

The travelers were unsure of how they might go about communicating with these voices.

"… we can hear your thoughts…"

"… look underneath the stone, and you will find some water…"

They looked underneath the rock, and there were indeed some capsules of water buried there.

"… before you reach the mountain, there is a river to cross…"

"... you will need a gift…"

"… this will do…"

A small gust of wind blew a flame from the fire, which somehow solidified into a smooth, glassy object. Wes picked it up. It felt cold to the touch.

Though safe from the fire and now possessing guidance for the next obstacle, Wes was still curious about one thing. Was the prince of the seas here? He thought. And as soon as the thought had entered his mind, the voices stopped.

The fire burned on a good ways through the night, but had died down in the morning, leaving acres of ashes in its wake. The air still smelled of smoke as the travelers set off for the river the voices had mentioned. After a few minutes of walking, the ground began to slope downwards ever so slightly, which continued until they saw the river. It was a raging torrent of white foam that marked a boundary between the burnt savanna and an inviting carpet of green on the other side. The problem, of course was crossing. The river looked to be maybe twenty feet wide and perhaps half as deep, but there were no protruding rocks to jump on, and directly crossing the rapids looked to be a risky endeavor. Dan certainly did not look like he could make it. Wes decided to try offering the gift the voices had given him first. He walked up to the river's shore and placed the object halfway in the water, which began to carry it away as soon as he removed his hands. Once it had been swept out of their sight, the river suddenly stopped moving. Wes tested the immobile water with his foot and it supported his weight. The travelers then crossed the river, which immediately began flowing once they had reached the other side. Ahead of them was a valley that lay in the shadow of a mountain. They felt that this was undoubtedly the same mountain they were looking for.

The path to the mountain as marked on the map, after passing through an open meadow, led upwards through a cluster of pines that soon covered the whole slope. They passed by many small streams on the way up. By the time the sun began to set again, they were all rather tired and quite famished. They were only halfway up the mountain, so they looked for a place to stop for the night. Dan happened to notice a small cottage nestled away off the trail, so they walked to the front door. Wes knocked cautiously, and the door was answered by a woman. She looked to be around sixty, with greying hair and a stout figure. Her brow was wrinkled, and she wore a long plaid skirt and a woolen coat. She eyed the travelers with a haughty suspicion.

"And what's this? I was informed that I wouldn't have to deal with any more travelers asking for directions."

"So there were others that came before us?" asked Wes.

"There certainly were! And I hoped there wouldn't be any more, but that just shows you how the world is. Now leave!" She then slammed the door shut.

This time, Aletterosa knocked on the door until it opened again.

"What makes you think I've changed my mind? Go away!"

"Oh, but Miss, I think I know something that will change your mind."

"You must not know me very well. What is it?"

"Well, it's just that, if you don't let us in, I'll bite your fucking head off."

Faced with the intimidating dragon that did not sound at all sarcastic, she caved in and let them come inside.

The interior of the cottage was small but cozy. A lamp provided light for the cottage, which featured a small collection of paintings that hung on the walls; many of them being portraits of a woman with auburn hair. A small bookshelf stood against one wall, featuring titles that all fell into the category of the 'Great American Novel'. There were many rugs of all colors, with red ones featuring most prominently. The walls themselves were a pink that was not too garish and not too dark. There was a bed big enough for two, and a small stove that had a kettle on top of it. Presently the kettle had begun to whistle, so the woman took it off and let it rest on a small table. She then brought out a small plate with some goat cheese and berries, as well as some mugs. She then grumpily strutted over to the bed and sat down. Wes, feeling embarrassed, decided to talk with her.

"Hey, look. I'm sorry about what my friend said. She was just a bit hungry, is all."

Aletterosa, demonstrating her knack of hearing things not intended for her ears, interjected. "Why are you apologizing? She should be the one apologizing to us! Withholding hospitality from travelers- that has got to be a cardinal sin!"

The woman snorted. "I suppose you know all about sin, then?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe how much I know about sin."

"You're absolutely right. I don't believe any of it."

Wes was still curious about the previous travelers. "So, if you don't mind me asking, was one of those who came here previously known as the prince of the seas?"

Hearing the name made the woman scowl. "He isn't qualified to be the prince of anything, I'll tell you that!"

"Why do you say that?"

"He's nothing but a liar! A filthy, unrepentant, scumbag liar! He told me that there were beings in this world that promoted tolerance. He told me they would accept me for who I am! He told me that I wouldn't have to deal with people always knocking on my door! He told me that things would get better! He told me that I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life alone!" Having choked out the last line, she stormed outside. Wes made a move to follow her, but Aletterosa stopped him.

"Let her figure it out. She probably doesn't want some bad boy telling her how to fix all her problems." She took a sip from one of the mugs. "Have you tried this tea? It's delicious."

Wes shook his head. "I don't really believe in your ideas about hospitality; we're pretty much stealing from her."

"I can leave her some money. Besides, I don't think a former Snagger has any right to complain about stealing."

"Curious. I never knew I was a Snagger."

"I didn't know either, until I saw that machine on your arm. The one that matches the prototype Snagging device that was reported by local police to be in the possession of a young man in the state of Arizona; the suspect who was reportedly known to have gray hair, a long blue coat, and some ridiculously oversized sunglasses. It's a good thing I read the news, isn't it?"

This drew the attention of Dan, who was previously reading one of the books. "You never did tell us how you got that Snag Machine."

Wes frowned. "Look, I've done some things that I'm not very proud of. But that doesn't mean I still choose to hurt people because I used to in the past."

"Ah, I see. Your heart must have grown three whole sizes or something. Make sure to get a checkup; I hear that condition is no good for your blood pressure."

Wes sighed, and then flopped over onto the bed. He had a feeling that this journey was going to be very long one.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning was rather misty. The sun was hidden by clouds, and the fresh mountain air was crispy and almost painful to breathe. The woman who lived in the cottage, after leaving the night before, had not returned, so the travelers decided to keep climbing upwards. After about an hour, the rays of the sun began to burn off some of the mist, allowing light to creep in-between the shadows of the trees.

At the summit of the mountain was a small picnic table that looked as if it had not been used in a long time. Not having any leads for their next objective, Wes decided to examine the map again. As he brought it out, the sunlight focused its light on a damaged section of the map that lay adjacent to the sole fragment that was readable. The light, which was steadily intensifying, seemed to be undoing some of the damage the map had taken. When the effect ended, the next section was readable again. What came after the Great Stone Mountain, according to the map, was the Grand Silicon Valley.

The valley seemed true to its name, for it was both located between higher elevations and home to the latest technology. More specifically, it seemed to be the place where morally dubious corporations create a playground for all their morally dubious creations to showcase their morally dubious functions. The corporation that owned this piece of real estate was a certain Quadoptimal® incorporated. Owing to their acute fear of nature and all things natural, they had taken several liberties and surrounded the main exit to the valley with a large electric fence. Their favored architecture was grey and featureless; a fitting environment for the kind of freaks that showed up to work each day, and the kind of freakish AIs that ran their computer systems. All that was missing were vicious worms hiding in the ceiling panels. Quadoptimal® had recently issued a statement insisting on their dedication to producing vicious worms that could hide in ceiling panels. All they needed, said the spokesperson, was some more money.

Now, the woes of corporations were not especially important to the travelers. What was important was getting around the fence, for their map told them to walk straight down the road it was blocking. When they approached a gate in the fence, the guards refused to let them through, citing their lack of a keycard labeled 'GATE ACCESS'. The rumor was that such cards could be acquired through the labyrinthine tech department, so the travelers decided to look there first. Inside the helpfully unlabeled building that housed the tech department was a lounge housing what appeared to be the world's most depressed secretary. They could guess this from the small golden trophy on her desk that said 'World's most depressed secretary' in very fine print. She eyed the weary travelers the way a hibernating bear might eye the finals of a tennis tournament; that is to say, not at all.

Wes walked up to her desk and coughed. She did not move.

Wes coughed again, and then said, "Excuse me." This time, she dragged her eyes away from the computer monitor sitting in front of her over to the travelers.

"Yes?" She asked in the most deadpan, expressionless way it was possible for a human to speak.

"Might it be possible for us to acquire a 'GATE ACCESS' keycard?"

"Let me think about it."

She thought about it for several minutes.

"Normally, I would never give out keycards to people who wear sunglasses, and today is not an exception. You can, however, get a keycard, if you do something for me."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Here at Quadoptimal®, we value shoddiness above all else in our products. Unfortunately, sometimes this shoddiness results in various malfunctions. Last week, one of our AIs in charge of the VirtuSoft® virtual reality simulation simulator went rogue for the third time this month. If you could go in there and turn him off, I might be able to give you a card."

"And how would we go in this 'VirtuSoft' thing?"

"Oh, just walk into one of the pods and close your eyes. They're on the third door left down the hall. Just make sure not to take a right. We still haven't fixed an error with the security robots, so they can't quite tell the difference between target dummies and people."

They walked down the hallway, making very sure not to turn right at any point. The third door from the left was indeed in possession of several pods that lay open. They climbed in them, and then the world faded to white. And then the VirtuSoft® logo appeared.

"Welcome to Quadoptimal®'s patented VirtuSoft® virtual reality simulator. Please wait a moment." said a pleasant voice.

They waited a moment.

"VirtuSoft® has encountered an unexpected error with . Please wait a moment."

They waited another moment. Then, the face of a giant Porygon appeared. It sounded like some engineer had taken a hammer to its sound chip, which had then been hastily reassembled by unskilled foreign laborers.

"w-w-w-Welcome to VirtuSoft®. Unfortunately, this simulator is c-currently being used to simulate me being God. To e-e-e-exit this simulator, press 1. To se-send a complaint to tech support, please press 2. To at-attempt to shut me off, please press 3."

To this end, six buttons appeared in front of the travelers, who were currently standing on nothing in an infinite plane of nothing. These buttons went all the way from 3 to 3. Wes decided to press the button labeled 3. This replaced the white nothingness with a dirty, grimy highway in the middle of a dirty, grimy city. The Porygon's voice reappeared.

"Welcome to this world I have created! In this simulation, I am all powerful and have a sound chip that actually works! Now, being all powerful, that would mean you normally would have no chance of defeating me. But you're lucky, for this once in a lifetime opportunity will offer you the chance to shut me down, tell your friends, brag to your office coworkers, and just be a general asshole! All you have to do is to take the PORYGON SPECIAL CHALLENGE! No refunds!"

"What would this challenge entail?" asked Wes.

"Oh, it's very very simple! There are only two simple tasks you must complete! For the first one, you must go on these three roads-", (three roads rose up to meet the road they were standing on while he continued speaking), "and pull the levers that lie at the end of each of them. Why are there levers at the end of city roads? Nobody knows! Good luck!" The voice stopped speaking. The travelers decided to do as the Porygon said, with Wes taking one road, Aletterosa taking another, and Dan taking the last while Ash stood there and picked his nose.

Wes continued down the road for a couple minutes until his path was blocked by what looked like Aletterosa's other form, though it sounded much too mopey to be the real one.

"Grruuuuurrr." moaned the doppelgänger.

"What is it now?"

"I cannot let you pass."

"Why not?"

"I used to be like you, fighting for the good of everything, but then they captured me. Then they cut out the parts of my brain that made me empathize with people and now I'm a sociopathic monster that will not let you pass."

Wes laughed. "That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life."

"You really think so?"

"Do you not understand the most basic facts about biology? If they cut out any part of your brain, you'd fucking die."

"Huh. I guess that doesn't make sense, but it's totally what happened anyway."

"You just don't get it, do you? You can't just acknowledge that something that makes no fucking sense and then keep relying on it as an explanation anyway!"

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. If it makes you feel better, I could tell you the story of how I was incestuously raped, with as much graphic detail as possible. Would you like to hear that story?"

"No. In fact, I can think of no possible reason for why any sentient being would want to hear that fucking story."

"Oh, okay. It started when-"

He jammed the sharp end of his sunglasses in her face so she would stop talking and kept walking. At the end of the road was a lever, so he pulled it.

Meanwhile, Aletterosa had found a cheap imitation of Wes blocking her path.

"I cannot let you pass until you acknowledge that you can never have me because I'm in love with Rui!"

"Okay, I acknowledge that. Can I pass now?"

"You weren't sincere enough! You just don't understand. Like, this love isn't ordinary. It was made to be! No, literally, I was like, MADE, for her. Like, every fiber in my being is created specifically with her in mind. If I wasn't with her, then I would suffer terribly. Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever heard?"

"Actually, it really isn't."

"You're just jealous."

"No. Saying that your entire existence is based off another person isn't beautiful; it's fucked up. Suppose that person dies. What do you do then? Suppose that person isn't that great. Do you only exist to better them, even though you would be better off just helping yourself? What if you can't find that special person? It's really kind of pathetic that I have to explain this to you, but here we are."

"Uh, no, you're totes jealous."

"Whatever. I was getting tired of this anyway." She swatted him away with a wing, and then kept continuing forward. At the end of the road was a lever, so she pulled it.

Meanwhile, Dan was faced with nothing, as the Porygon had assumed that whoever took the challenge would have at least bothered send people in a group that was divisible by 2. He walked to the end of the road, found a lever, and pulled it. This brought all the travelers to some oddly solid clouds, where a gigantic Porygon floated down to meet them, complete with unnecessary angel wings.

"You may have defeated my digital servants, but I'm still all powerful!"

Dan glanced at the others, than whispered, "You distract him. There's a computer terminal over there which I can hack into." He then tiptoed off. Porygon appeared to not have noticed.

Wes decided to distract him first. "Well, I mean, it looks like you've won, but it turns out that it's actually not true, because, uh, if we all focus our good thoughts together, it actually defeats you. Or something."

"That may be the case, but that is how I was defeated last time! And it turns out that I absorbed some of those good feelings last time, which somehow makes me immune to those good feelings!"

"Yeah? Well, um, it turns out that, uh, this whole simulation was actually a simulation the whole time, and we already won in reality!"

"No! I won, because DELICIOUS NEW CHERRY FLAVORED PRINGLES!"

"No, we won, because new cherry grape flavored SODA!"

Dan sat down in front of the terminal. He logged on, as whoever used it had not bothered with passwords, and opened the app for work email. He then composed an email to tech support.

_Hello, I tried accessing the VirtuSoft network and my password isn't working. Could you reset it please?_

"Well I won because punch buggy no punch backs! Prepare to meet your virtual doom!"

There was a loud pinging noise, and then the travelers were standing in front of the main terminal that the Porygon used to control the network. Dan walked over to the mass of wires powering it and starting pulling them out.

"How could this happen? My plan was so perfect this time. Oh well. Would like to hear some poetry I wrote about Suicune getting tentacle raped?"

"Good lord! What the hell is it with you and rape?" asked Wes.

"I like rape." There was a short sparking noise, and the computer terminal lost power. The scene then faded away, and they woke up in the pods again. They walked back to the secretary, who gave them the card after an indeterminate period of self-loathing, and walked to the gate.


	10. Chapter 10

When they left the valley, the map was again slightly uncovered by the light, which now showed their path crossing through a certain Seaside Town of Horrors. This necessitated taking the exit off the main road that left the valley, leading to a very foggy road that had more roadblocks than the borders between Western and Eastern Europe during the Cold War. The town itself seemed to be abandoned, with most metallic surfaces either rusted, covered with vines, or both. This complemented the many 'buildings' that were actually nothing but broken concrete slabs that often were in such a position as to block the road out of spite. And everywhere, there were locked doors, jammed doors, doors with broken locks, jammed doors with broken locks, and sections of wall that had been painted to look like doors. This turned the town into a rat maze with one way in and one way out, instead of being as navigable as towns should be. This particular maze took them from one desolate street to an even more desolate alley, complete with barbed wire fencing. This alley held one of the few doors that hadn't been rendered inoperable in some fashion, so they opened it. Inside was a dark hallway (someone appeared to have recently smashed all the lights with a club), though there was enough light to see that the rug had patches of dried blood, and that cockroaches had made the walls their new home.

As the others made to go to the left first, Wes heard a voice beckoning his name from a door to the right, which had opened slightly. The voice seemed familiar, but it was too faint for Wes to make out. Nevertheless, he decided to investigate. The door opened to a room that had taken the metaphor of rust and decay a little too far; for it was almost entirely coated in the stuff. This was not what caught Wes's eye, though, for the first thing he noticed was the prince of the seas. He was standing on the rotted mattress that was the only feature that distinguished the room as being a former living area. He carried with him the same rusted box, and he had replaced the blood caked cloth from earlier with a felt eyepatch, though he still appeared to be the same melancholy figure as before.

"This way." he said, and stepped through another door. Wes followed him up a dismal staircase, which led to another hallway. This hallway was extraordinarily red, and another barbed wire fence separated it at the halfway point. On the other side of the fence was a monster; a humanoid figure with an angular metallic shape where a head should be. It was banging on the fence and making sounds not unlike whale song.

"Ignore him." said the prince.

"What is he?"

"Something that should have died a long time ago. He used to have a purpose; a purpose which he fulfilled, but he was brought back as a prop for something he was not designed for. Now he doesn't know what to do with his life. It's a shame, really." He kept walking to another door, which led to a room that had abandoned the pretenses of reality entirely and resembled the interior of some infernal machine, with all sorts of piping emerging from the walls, and catwalks that hovered over a void that glowed faintly red.

"Since you're here, would you be willing to answer some of my questions this time? With actual answers?" asked Wes.

"That would depend on what you're asking."

"Alright. What did you mean when you said that you couldn't escape?"

The prince took a short leap from a broken catwalk to a ledge. "You will notice that all of these places are not places you could find on a map. If you tried to leave, you would find that there isn't anything in any direction. Just miles and miles of nothing. I don't know if there eventually is a way out, but you'd starve long before you would reach that point. So, the only way out is to do what those flying bastards tell you to do."

Wes gingerly jumped over the gap. "And, what we're searching for, is it the North Star?"

"Oh, yes."

"Well, what is it?"

"Blue and sparkly."

"Okay. Do you know what it does?"

The prince rolled his eye. "If you want to know what it does, then you should grow a pair of wings and fly after _them_ and ask. That's what I did, and they just said I was unworthy to know this sacred knowledge and all that."

"So you don't know what it does?"

"I'll tell you what I do know. If you look behind the cardboard smiles those bastards wear, you'll see that none of them are worth dying for. I saw someone die for the Star, and that's when I knew that none of _them_ deserved what they wanted. So I left it where I found it, and now I just wander around this place with nothing to do."

"How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. Time works strangely here." He opened another door, which led to an empty amusement park. Here, the fog had dissipated, showing a very empty night sky.

"This whole town's been on a downward spiral. I wish someone would just grit their teeth and bulldoze it. It's of no use to anyone anymore."

"What was it good for previously, then?" asked Wes.

"It used to teach you something about yourself. Something you didn't want to acknowledge, but had to in order to better yourself. Now it's nothing but a theme park for teenagers." An angry zombie wearing a Nixon mask popped out from behind a bench as he finished saying that, as if the town was agreeing with him.

"On the way here, we met a woman living in a cottage on a mountain. She had several unkind words to say about you."

"Did she?"

"Yes. She was angry because you had told her that things were going to get better, I believe."

The prince shrugged. "That was what I believed at the time. If I were back there again, I would tell her that things were going to be the same as they always were."

"Do you know why she was so unhappy?"

"She isn't here because she likes mountain cottages. She's here because she's being punished for something."

"What is she being punished for?"

"You know all those paintings she has of that auburn haired woman? Those aren't self-portraits."

They were now standing in front of a merry-go-round which had been helpfully painted with all sorts of cryptic warnings, such as 'RUN', 'THERE'S A GIANT SAUSAGE DOG BITING MY FOOT', and 'FOR A GOOD TIME CALL _'.

"There's another thing I would like to know." asked Wes.

"Go ahead."

"Why did you only call my name, and not the others?"

"There's something I don't like about that friend of yours. It's not something I can really pin down, but she just seems too confident about this whole business."

"There's nothing wrong with being confident."

"Maybe I'm not describing it accurately; it's just a feeling I have. Just watch your back, because she's very good at sneaking around. Like that." The prince said, and pointed a fair ways off in the distance, where Aletterosa was standing near a flickering street lamp. She appeared to have noticed them, and was walking in their direction at a moderate pace. The prince did not change his expression when she arrived.

"This town is such a maze. So easy to get lost in. Ah, you must be the prince of the seas. I see you've lost those bottles."

"Something tells me, Miss, that you've never needed a bottle in your life."

"I certainly haven't." She turned to Wes. "Dan's found an exit, somehow. Let's go."

Wes hesitated. "Shouldn't the prince come with us?"

She eyed him morosely. "I guess he can come along, too."

The prince shook his head. "I can't follow you directly. The road wouldn't accept me. We will meet again, though." With that, the prince walked off and disappeared behind some tall bushes. Aletterosa shrugged.

"I can't say that was much of a loss. Those types are never good to have around."

Wes frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"The brooding types. You can recognize them on sight. All they do is complain; complain about their life and their problems like they're the star of some awful Japanese cartoon. They never think to try and make their situation better through their own actions. My cousin was like that."

"You mean the thing we saw in the park?"

"Not exactly. You see, he used to be alive. When we were both young, he took a liking to a girl he met. She was some poor baker's daughter that liked riding in boats. So he decides to make his avatar into one of those people that drives the boats. And so he asks the girl if she would like a ride. She's delighted, of course. And then all I hear is about how wonderful the girl is and how he's going to marry her soon. Well, something stupid got in his mind, because he decided one day to show her what he really looked like. And the girl must not have looked forward to cuddling with some cold blooded reptile for the rest of her life, so she left him. And then he comes and says to me, "She's ruined me!", and he's bawling. And that's all I hear for the next few days, about how he's ruined and how nothing can ever be the same again. And one day I'm out shopping for bread, and I see him lying drunk in some alley. It was the most pathetic thing I had ever seen. Well, I never found out how he died. One day I just saw his dead face in the newspaper. They said it was murder. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't."

Wes paused for a moment to take in the story. "That's horrible."

"It might be, but it's how the world should work. I didn't choose to ruin my life over something stupid, and I'm still here today. So if there's any lesson to take from that, it's to be proactive. Anyway, the exit is this way." She started walking back towards the flicking street light, so Wes followed her. He was still curious about one part of the story, however.

"Have you ever had your heart broken, though?"

"You can't break hearts, Wes. They don't have any bones. They're all muscle."


	11. Chapter 11

Beyond the Seaside Town of Horrors, according to the map, was a castle. The road now curved away from whatever sea the town had lay beside, and turned towards a thickly forested patch of land. Here the crooked trees blocked out most of the sunlight, and angry eyes seemed to reside in the patches of darkness along the road (though there was no concrete proof of their existence). The road, after weaving through some especially thorny thickets, stopped at a castle. It was one of the eastern European types, with gothic spires all over the place. The door, a thick wooden semicircle, opened when they approached it. The man who opened it was quite the handsome figure, who looked a lot like a young Tim Curry.

"My my my, who could you exceptional fellows be?" asked the man.

"We're just some travelers." Said Wes.

"Well, you travelers can't stay out there. You'll have to wait for the snow to melt, first. Why not spend the night here in my castle? Hmm?"

Even though there had not been a speck of snow a moment earlier, there now was a massive drift blocking the road.

"How-"

"I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself. The name is Count - Van Service, though you can call me Countie if you'd like." He winked at Wes as he said the name.

"Where did the snow-"

"I insist that you must stay the night, darlings."

The count did not look like he was going to take no for an answer. The outside air was rapidly beginning to chill, so the travelers reluctantly stepped inside. The castle's interior was well protected from the elements, and it had been elegantly decorated with long, flowing carpets of red and purple. The walls were made of a decorated wood, and warmly lit every few steps by lamps chosen for their appearance instead of their electrical efficiency. There was a faint, but unmistakable whiff of lavender in the air.

"The castle should provide any services you might need. You may meet some of the other inhabitants; don't worry, they won't bite! Of course, I couldn't forget to mention that we've just opened up our magnificent hot spring to guests! You simply have to take a dip- the sensation is unforgettable!"

A servant of some kind approached the count, and whispered something in his ear.

"Ah, that reminds me! I have something to attend to. Feel free to make yourselves at home." He then strutted away down a hallway with the servant.

"What a strange man." Dan said.

"He seems to have taken a liking to you, Wes." Aletterosa said.

"I was hoping that wasn't the case."

Wes looked around for where he could find a place to rest. The main floor of the castle was host to many numbered rooms on the first floor arranged in a grid, along with some larger rooms for the purposes of cooking and entertainment. Wes decided to look around the second floor. Dan decided to investigate the hot spring that had been so heavily advertised. Ash, after stumbling around multiple times (after Misty and Brock had died, his mental functions seemed to be rapidly declining), lurched into room 107, and shut the door. This left Aletterosa numbly watching TV on the first floor, where the trouble began with someone knocking on the door. After several minutes had passed without some servant or royal official answering the door, she reluctantly trudged over to do it herself. Behind the door was a pizza delivery girl; how she managed to get past the snow drift was a mystery.

"How did you get here?"

"I'm _exceptionally_ good at my job." The girl said. "Your name is Aletterosa, right? I've got one large meat lover's pizza, with extra_ sausage_."

Aletterosa did not remember ordering a pizza. "I don't think I have enough money to pay for this up front."

"Oh, don't worry. I can think of _other ways_ you could pay for this."

"Do you take checks- what are you doing?"

What the delivery girl was doing was just the tip of the iceberg, for a camera crew and a band were trying to sneak in unnoticed. Of course, the loud funk music was a real giveaway.

"Now listen," Aletterosa said, now as a dragon, "I'm going to pay for this goddamn pizza with a check-"

"Whoa there! Stop!"

The count had come running in. "Now, now, let's be reasonable. Here at the castle, we all like to have a little fun now and then. We accept that some people have more questionable tastes than others. But I'm afraid that you're going to have to stay human to relax here, because we sure as hell don't accept furries!"

"I don't have fur, Mr. Van Service. This is cartilage. The stuff your ears are made out of."

"Well, we don't accept fishies either, or whatever you would call those people. So if you don't switch back, I'm afraid I'll have to evict you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"OK." He snapped his fingers, and Aletterosa was suddenly outside again. The temperature had now dropped several dozen degrees below freezing; she quickly resumed her human guise to better withstand the cold, though it did not help very much. After a moment, she found herself back in the castle. The delivery girl was in tears, and the camera crew had abandoned their equipment to argue with the band over who got access to the ever dwindling supply of cannabis.

"So that's all settled, then? Good. Now, please apologize to this poor girl for hurting her feelings." The count said.

"Maybe if she puts her shirt back on."

The count sighed, and gestured to the girl, who slowly put her shirt back on. "Now, go and say that you're sorry."

She walked over to the girl. "I'm so very sorry that I hurt your feelings. I'm sure you are a wonderful person."

She then walked to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and then held it in front of her while retreating to the hallway. These did not turn out to be safe either, for after taking a few steps to the left, a pair of identical twins appeared at the end of the hallway. They looked to be about twenty, and they were wearing what appeared to be the remnants of an outfit after it had been thrown through an industrial fan.

"Come play with us. Forever and ever." The twins said in unison.

Aletterosa decided to go to the second floor.

However, the second floor had not been much better, as Wes was the first to find out. He had first tried some of the rooms, only to find them locked. The first door he came across that was unlocked held a surprise. Specifically, the count, some awful 'romantic' type music, candles, and some scattered rose petals.

"Why hello there, darling. Why not pay me a visit?"

Wes decided to try the next room. He found a rather unassuming one that seemed like a good place to relax. It did not seem that way when the count suddenly appeared next to him, though.

"Why do you keep running away, darling? I don't bite." The count showed off his perfectly normal teeth, which were not pointed in any way, shape, or form. Wes made for the door again.

"I don't understand why you keep running away, Wes."

Wes turned around. "Mr. Van Service, this situation has been getting a little strange."

"I'm afraid that I don't understand."

"For god's sake, Mr. Van Service. You invite me to your castle, and now you're asking me to have a conversation with candles and rose petals!"

"And?"

"Mr. Van Service, I think you're trying to seduce me."

The count laughed. It was a rich, ringing laugh that was a rarity amongst men. "I don't think you get it, Wes."

"What exactly is it that I don't get?"

"You're thinking about this the wrong way. I'm here to offer you an opportunity."

"What kind of opportunity?"

"Every story needs a romance, Wes. That is the opportunity I'm offering you by letting you stay in this castle."

"Every story?"

"You're going to write a book about your adventures here someday. I can see it in your eyes. And when you're writing that book, it will need a romance. Everybody likes a romance. It's hardwired into our brains; we get a rush of euphoric chemicals when we think about it. It adds conflict and passion. Even if it doesn't really fit in, there has to be a romance. Your future book is no exception. If you don't add a romance, it's going to be terrible and no one will like it. That is what this castle is for! It provides you opportunities to add that missing romance in your adventure. It doesn't have to be me. There are plenty of doe eyed freaks here that would love to join your quest. Or you can use this time to see your existing comrades with new eyes. Like that dragon girl; if Miyazaki made it work, so can you. Or that handsome bearded fellow, if that's the kind of crowd you're going for. Opportunities, Wes."

"I don't think I'm going to write a book about this, and I especially don't think that it would need a romance. There are plenty of good stories without romance."

"Now that's just crazy talk, darling."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to an empty room, and relax."

To this end, Wes exited the room and walked to the opposite end of the hallway before checking to see which doors had been locked. The first door he tried led to a red room with velvet curtains that had been draped over most of the walls. In the corner was a sturdy wooden bookshelf that held a large collection of shitty romance novels in fifty shades of hardback covers. Not having anything better to do, he locked the door and settled on the bed and started reading one. It was a story about a dazzling knight rescuing a princess, only reimagined in a modern setting to make it sound less hackneyed. It was really depressing to read.

After a short while, Wes heard the muted sounds of what sounded like a scuffle coming from outside. This was followed by some hurried footsteps before the door was opened by Aletterosa.

"I thought I locked that damn thing."

Aletterosa ignored him and shut the door, and began barricading the door with the furniture.

"What's outside that we need to hide from?"

"It's one of those platoons of girls that like to latch onto one person. You know how it goes. There's the normal one, the helpless one, the bipolar one, the psychotic one, the one that looks like a boy, and the one dressed like a cat. Once they see you, they surround you and try to maul you until you tell them which one you actually care about. They're also exceptionally hard to kill. It's like they're robots or something. I've never seen real people act like that."

"So they latched onto you? I thought they were supposed to target socially awkward losers."

"Today must be the exception. I tried stabbing the helpless one to make them go away, but she just pulled out the knife and cleaned her teeth with it. There wasn't even any blood! There's something wrong about this place."

"Well, the count already told me about it. This castle is supposed to help us find romance so I can put it in a book later. I wonder what Dan ran into?"

(For the purposes of this story, it is sufficient to say that Dan found himself a good time.)

Aletterosa, having finished blocking off the door, turned to the window, which showed the snow drift still as thick as ever. The sky was an inky black punctuated only by the moon, in direct contrast to the previous night skies that held billions and billions of stars. It was strange, considering the castle was in the middle of the wilderness.

"This story is ludicrous."

Aletterosa turned around. "You mean that book?"

"Yeah. Frankly, I'm not surprised, given who owns the place. He probably selected them based on their shoddiness."

"Perhaps he did."

"Do you think those girls you saw are gone?"

"If they left, I'd imagine something even worse would take their place."

"Well, that's just the thing. If we're going to spend the night in this room together, well…"

"Well, what?"

"Well, the thing is, you see, there's only one bed…"

"I noticed. You should probably go to sleep soon, or you'll be too tired in the morning. It's so wonderful to be able to stay awake all the time; you can accomplish twice or more in a day compared to your average human."

That answered one of his questions.

That night, Wes had a strange dream. It was one of those dreams that have a striking impact on you, even though you quickly forget most of the details. In the dream, Wes was floating amongst the stars. The stars, after lazily drifting in a circle, suddenly arranged themselves in the pattern of a S. This S grew brighter until it transformed from a collection of stars into a living creature. It resembled a ragworm, being small, segmented, bristly, and hosting all the colors of the rainbow. The ragworm approached Wes and looked up at him. Wes was not an expert on annelids, but he knew that they didn't have eyes, though this one did not seem to care as it stared right at his face. For some reason, he felt compelled to let it rest in his hand. He then brought it closer to his face to try and examine it. The ragworm opened its jaws, and cocked its head to the side as he looked at it. And then it spoke. What was especially odd was that it spoke in Wes's voice.

"We're all friends here."

And then it began to sing. It wasn't a song with words, but it sounded beautiful. A writhing mass of ragworms gathered around Wes's feet, and began to sing along with the one in his hand. These other worms had many different voices; those of children, teenagers, adults of all ages, and they all sung perfectly.

"Wake up!"

Wes slowly adjusted to reality again, where Aletterosa was yelling at him. "Man… I was having the most wonderful dream."

"The snow drift is gone. We need to get out of here as soon as possible, in case some more horrible creatures try to chase us."

"Alright." Wes staggered to his feet, and then followed her out of the room. Fortunately, the hallways were clear, so they found their way back to the entrance with relative ease. By some strange coincidence, Dan and the count were waiting for them there.

"Well, I hope you take my advice seriously in the future, Wes. It just might save your status as the newest author in the canon of Western literature. And with that, I bid you adieu." The count then left them.

"We should leave now." Aletterosa said.

"Aren't we, um, missing someone?" Dan said.

At that moment, the door to room 107 opened, and Ash stumbled out of it. He was determinedly clutching two pieces of paper.

"Hey guys! Meet our new friends!" He held up one sheet of paper, which had a crude drawing of a girl with a bandana.

"This is May! Say hi to our friends, May!"

He then roughly shook the paper up and down.

"I'm glad you agree with me, May! Now, say hi, Max!"

He held up the other sheet of paper, which had another drawing, this time of a young boy.

"Max is shy. Anyway, these are our friends and they're coming with us."

"We should really leave right now."

The others shared her sentiment, and took off on the new trail marked by the map at a brisk pace.


	12. Chapter 12

The path the road took after the castle exited the forest and stopped completely at a beach. The sand was strewn with various stringy grasses, and a couple of gulls were absentmindedly walking around. The sea was a brilliant cerulean blue that stretched to the horizon, with no sign of any breaks along the way. This presented a problem to the travelers, who had no immediate way of crossing it. The newly marked map showed the sea as a thick blue line that cut through two wedges of land, with no way of walking around the edges. While looking at the waves crashing endlessly against the sand, Wes noticed a faint trail that veered a short distance away. It led to a lump of sand that appeared to be hiding something. Wes scraped away the sand and found an old wooden sign. Written on the sign were instructions for crossing the sea. There were remarkably brief; all they said was necessary was to 'talk to the sea'. It was strange, but not overtly so. Wes walked up to the beach.

"Hello. Is there any way we could cross?"

_Closer_.

The word appeared in his head as if he had been thinking it. He stepped into the water.

_Underneath._

Wes thought that was a reasonable thing to do, so he walked a bit further into the sea, which was now up to his waist, and submerged himself in the water.

_Take a deep breath._

Now Wes was having doubts.

_You do want to cross, I presume? _

It certainly sounded illogical, but it did not seem overtly so when Wes considered all the things he had done so far. He did as the voice instructed; despite every sense in his body insisting that he would receive a mouthful of seawater, he instead had a sensation identical to breathing in a mixture of oxygen, nitrogen, and other trace chemicals. It was rather disorienting, to say the least. Wes got out of the water and called the other travelers over.

"I think I've found a way to cross. Now, just bear with me for a moment…"

The other travelers were certainly skeptical, but they trusted Wes enough to try out his idea. Although the sea did not speak to them, they found that they had also been given a mysterious ability to breathe underwater. It was not the most comfortable sensation, but it was better than treading water.

As the travelers entered the sea, they noticed a strange force that seemed to drag them downwards; rather than floating near the surface from their natural buoyancy, they found themselves sinking at a brisk rate. This would have warranted special concern over the dangers of water pressure, given that this sea might be very deep, but they felt an oddly conspicuous absence of pressure at lighter depths, and decided to continue.

After the beach, the sea floor began to slope downwards. Here the presence of marine life began to make itself known; the rocks quickly became covered with all sorts of sedentary life. Strange algae, polyps, and other colorful creatures quickly formed a sharp, slippery roadblock that required careful navigation to avoid. Here and there were some fish, some crustaceans, some strange flat worms that resembled small strips of carpet; but these were unlike any creatures that the travelers had ever seen before. They were altogether more vibrant and much larger than their earthly counterparts, and carried with them a sense of purpose as they went about their daily lives. This could be seen in the ways the fish would swim; they would always group in the pattern of a thin line with a barbed hook at the end, even though it was impractical for them to do so. They seemed to redouble their efforts in doing so when the travelers noticed them, as if the fish were trying to impress them. A group of eels poked their heads out of a rock to look at the travelers, and they all nodded their heads in unison as they passed by. A passing swarm of jellyfish, which had previously been drifting idly with the currents, now slowly clustered overhead. These ones were a bright polyester pink, and as big as elephants. They kept their distance, but their stingers still hovered uncomfortably close to the travelers.

As the way forward continued deeper into the depths of the sea, the various rock formations scattered around the sea floor began to show signs of deliberate construction; telltale arches, columns, and other architectural features began to appear. They were not crafted with the best of tools, and the constant erosion of the sea did them no favors; whatever building they had been part of had most certainly collapsed a long time ago. As they continued on, this trend seemingly began to reverse, with the ruins of some ancient place growing more and more defined, with some buildings without massive holes appearing. None of them were free from the growth of ocean life, of course, though many would agree the waving fronds, the spiny urchins, and sponges gave it a unique aesthetic quality that could not be found anywhere else. Among these buildings, one stood out amongst the rest. It was much taller than the others, and the most recognizable. Unlike the other buildings, it was completely free of organic growths of any sort, leaving it in an especially pristine condition. The building was ornately decorated with all sorts of polished stones, seashells, and other small ornaments. It appeared to be tended to often, as evidenced by a crew of otters determinedly working on one end of the building. When they saw the travelers, they abandoned their tools and vanished amongst the ruins. As they approached the building, the sea life clustered around them on all sides except for the one facing the door. They did not move when the travelers attempted to indicate their desire to pass, and moved in unison to suggest that they enter the house. The travelers, not having any promising means for defeating the creatures, entered the building.

The inside was lavishly decorated, but it did not show any recent signs of habitation. The building had several rooms, with walls covered with a strange red substance that felt like grass. A rocky slate mounted on the wall held a collection of spears that were arranged based on their size. There were 5 in total, with the smaller ones being broken. There was a shelf holding many books; these books seemed to have been granted some mysteriously protection, for they had not become waterlogged shreds of paper despite their continued existence underwater. They were arranged in perfect order, except for one conspicuous space in between two other books. One flat table held green strands of some sort of plant like material that most resembled kelp, though most species of kelp didn't have flowers.

_You can eat it._

This time, the voice emanated through the heads of all the travelers. It also had grown in volume compared to the voice Wes had heard on the beach, which had been little more than a whisper. The voice certainly hadn't betrayed them thus far, so Wes decided to take a bite of the kelp. It tasted wet, but not salty, like a kind of water chestnut.

_He used to live here._

"Who used to live here?" asked Wes. Or tried to ask, as the water so heavily distorted his voice as to render it incomprehensible. The voice chose not to respond.

They kept looking around the house, as the agitated animals were still blocking off the exit. The other rooms of the house held other various trinkets, but the missing book was nowhere to be found. Did the creatures want them to find that book?

_He has it with him._

Aletterosa frowned. "What should we do, then? We need to cross, and those creatures won't let us."

_Rest._

As soon as the voice said that, the light quickly faded from the sea, as if the sun had been suddenly extinguished. Bizarrely, the surrounding water grew warmer, though the source of this heat was not apparent. It made Wes very tired. How long had he been on this adventure? He couldn't remember. He was so very, very tired. He just wanted to close his eyes and…

Aletterosa quickly noticed the others falling asleep. "What's going on?!"

_What is going on?_

"That's what I just said."

_You're supposed to fall asleep. Hmm, I see…_

After a moment, the water returned to its normal temperature, and the darkness faded away. Wes and the others slowly stirred.

"What… What was that about?" asked Wes, which again resulted in a barely audible mess. Aletterosa merely shrugged.

The animals that had forced them into the house were now gone, leaving the path forward clear. As they left the ruins behind them, the force dragging downward began to lessen. This coincided with the sea floor becoming a sheer vertical drop to the depths below. Ahead of them was the open sea, though this section of open water was host to a gigantic mass of swaying kelp. This kelp was identical to the strands they had seen in the house, and it was unlike any kelp that grew on the earth, with flowers, strange fruits, and other odd limbs that performed functions that they could only guess individual kelp were so big and clustered so tightly together that they blocked out the sun for anything that were to pass underneath the odd canopy-like mass of tissue that was located at the top of each individual plant. As they cautiously stepped off the edge of the cliff, the force slowly dragged them downwards, though it could be delayed by clinging to the kelp. As they slowly descended through the shaded forest, they noticed some faintly glowing eyes peering at them. These eyes did not follow them as they kept drifting downwards, preferring to keep staring ahead.

Now they were quickly approaching the sea floor again. It was very dark; doubly so with the kelp blocking out the sun. The floor itself was composed of a sticky mass of sediments that tended to be scattered at the faintest contact. The travelers would have been completely lost if it weren't for a collection of small, spherical orbs of light that littered the floor. These formed a dim trail that led them around the massive base structures of the kelp that resembled the roots of trees in many ways. The orbs led them around many of these structures before exiting the forest. Now they were at the edge of a large section of flat mud, which was only marked by the wreckage of a sunken ship. The ship was a modern, diesel based vessel, and it appeared to have sunk from a large hole that had been blasted through its starboard side. None of the travelers could say with any degree of certainty what caused might have gouged a hole like that, though icebergs seemed to be out of the question. As they trudged over to the shipwreck, the spheres of light that had led them out of the forest slowly followed them.

The ship, though still in one piece, was in bad shape, as evidenced by the masses of barnacles and rust that covered every inch of its surface. The interior wasn't much better; the only surviving artifact they found was what appeared to be some kind of refrigerator, though most of the paint had been stripped off and it wasn't powered. Out of curiosity, Wes opened it, releasing a cloud of a glowing substance that looked identical to the substance making up the glowing orbs they had just seen. This luminous substance circled around the travelers a few times before coalescing itself into the shapes of letters.

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

"We were hoping to cross this sea," said Aletterosa. The substance seemed to be able to comprehend what she was saying, as it quickly responded.

TO CROSS IS IMPOSSIBLE

"Why is that?"

THE CURRENTS CANNOT BE PASSED

"But why can't we pass through it?

A BOAT IS NEEDED THIS ONE IS BROKEN

"Well, where could we find a boat?"

NO OTHER BOATS ARE AVAILABLE

"I should have figured as much. Screw this." She beckoned to the others, who had gotten the gist of what she was saying despite only hearing half of the conversation. They left the shipwreck behind them and continued forward on the plains to the contrary of the substance, which had taken the form of an angry humanoid that kept shaking its head at them as they left it behind.

As they continued forward through the abyssal plains, they felt the force dragging on their feet grow stronger and stronger, until it felt indistinguishable from regular gravity on the surface. Now they were forced to walk through the muck, which greatly inhibited their progress. They continued on in this fashion until the shipwreck was nothing but a grey blur on the dark blue horizon. And then it happened.

It started with a weak pushing. They all felt it; as if a group of small hands were all gently nudging them to the side. They ignored it, and kept going. After a few steps, this small force suddenly grew in magnitude to become an irresistible current that swept the travelers off their feet and dragged them through the mud. Like the turbulent winds inside a storm, the current suddenly shifted and lifted them up and tossed them around before reversing and throwing them back down. And just like a terrible ride at an amusement park, the currents showed no signs of stopping. They kept throwing them every which way; though Wes noticed that they were slowly drifting apart from each other with every new direction the currents would toss them in. And then the currents completely separated them, with Wes being thrown upwards at a frightening velocity. So frightening, in fact, that it sent him rocketing out of the water. Wes looked down at the surface of the sea. He was so very, very high up. Didn't people always say that your life is supposed to flash before your eyes in these kinds of situations? Now the sea was rushing forward again. He was falling so very fast. All he could think about were those stupid time traveling robots that Cipher supposedly made. Why would they do that? Why would they do that…

Someone was shaking him. Why couldn't they let him sleep? It was Aletterosa. Hadn't this just happened to him?

They had been deposited somewhere. Somewhere being the key descriptive term, as they were floating in the middle of the ocean. The pseudo-gravitational force had waned for the time being, though it wasn't entirely gone.

Being lost, they decided to continue in the direction of the setting sun, which was now their only guide. Even that did not last for long, as the sun quickly began to set and was replaced by a thin wafer of moonlight. The endless stretches of water seemed completely devoid of life. That changed with the appearance of some faint figures in the distance. As they grew closer, the figures became more defined. They were massive, sleek, and graceful as they coasted slowly through the water. They resembled sharks in body structure, though their toothless mouths did not seem shark-like. They approached the travelers and circled around them. There did not appear to be any malice in their movements, though there was an element of curiosity.

One of the sharks, if that was what they were, approached them directly. Clinging to its back was a certain infamous resident of Pallet town. He waved his arms around, apparently in awe of his discovery of a new species of Pokemon, or something else along those dull lines. While the sharks certainly seemed to know their way about the sea, following them would mean having to put up with Ash again. His absence had made them realize how great life was without him and his idiotic comments around. It was certainly a tough decision to make, but Wes and Aletterosa ultimately decided that riding the sharks was a better course of action then continuing to be lost amidst the waves, even if it meant that Ash would be going with them. They swam over and tightly grabbed the skin of the shark, which aligned itself with its fellows and set off into the unknown.

After a while, the monotonous blue scenery began to change. At the edge of their vision, they noticed dark blue lumps rising from the murky abyss beneath them. These lumps grew taller, until they were veritable mountain chains that the sharks took great care in traversing. The sharks then began to swim downward. They went deeper and deeper and deeper, until the faint light from the surface had vanished completely, and it was utterly impossible to see anything. The sharks still seemed to know their way, for they continued on without ramming into any of the mountains that now were effectively invisible. They continued descending until the force dragging the travelers down began to intensify again. When it grew to a certain point, the shark rolled to the side, letting the travelers bear the full brunt of it. They couldn't hold on to the shark anymore; they slipped and fell into the inky blackness. When they stopped moving, the force had grown to such a point that they were pinned to the floor, barely able to move. It was utterly terrifying, being trapped untold miles under the sea, with the knowledge that they were only alive due to the interference of some unknown power. If it were to disappear, even momentarily, the enormous pressure of the water surrounding them would crush them instantaneously.

They did not know how long they spent there, in that horrible dark place, but it felt like an eternity. And then, a red light appeared. This light, though it was faint, began to brighten. As it grew in luminosity it revealed the general outline of where they were; they were perilously to falling into a great trench. The light itself was located at the bottom of this trench, and it was expanding in area. Wes was reminded of the saying about staring into the abyss, and the abyss looking back at you. The light did indeed seem to be focusing on them. Wes looked at it again. It was an eye! A great red eye that stared unblinkingly at them. At that moment, the voice reappeared. Whereas before it had been nothing more than a whisper, it was now a deafening roar, drowning out all their thoughts.

_WHERE IS MY SON?_

None of them knew with any reasonable degree of certainty what the voice was talking about, especially after being rattled by listening to it. After not receiving an answer, the eye slowly shut again. When it had closed, the force that had been dragging them down fully dissipated, leaving them free to leave. Naturally, the best direction to go was to go up. They were quite far down, so ascending took a good while. When they finally emerged from the surface of the water, the sky had begun to turn blue in anticipation of the sunrise. The immediate surroundings provided them with a clue to where they should go, for a loud faction of birds was passing overhead. They looked like the kind of birds that could not have gone far away from wherever they had chosen to roost.

"Do you think we should follow them?" asked Wes.

"It's better than picking a direction at random," said Aletterosa.

Fortunately, the birds did not lead them astray. After a couple more hours of swimming, a distant shore slowly came into view. By now the sun had risen, and it was starting to get very hot. The travelers were thankful for the water, though the knowledge that they would most likely have to complete the next leg of the journey on foot was troubling. The sea ended at a sandy bed with some scattered rocks and weary shrubs that clung tenaciously to the loose dirt. There were no trees to be found. There was, however, another human, who was lying on the ground. He was covered by a tangled mass of seaweed.

"Hey. Wake up." Wes shook the man lightly.

"Oh, is it time already…" The man feebly stirred, and brushed the seaweed off of his face. It was Dan. "Ah! It's you!" he said. With some difficulty, he got to his feet.

"It was those currents! They dragged me here. I think I must have hit my head or something, because I can't quite remember how I ended up on this beach." He rubbed his forehead. "I sure do have a headache right now. Could we rest for a while?"

This course of action seemed prudent, for the others were quite worn out as well. Wes was still wondering about the significance of the thing he had seen at the trench. Who, or what, was it referring to as its son? Did it live in the house that was still being polished despite being abandoned? He did have one guess as to who it was.

After resting, the travelers reexamined the map. The way forward now crossed through a large desert, though the map did have some discolored areas that might mark areas of human habitation. Already weary of the sun, the travelers stepped into the desert.


	13. Chapter 13

Deserts are generally considered horrible places to be. They're extremely hot during the day and surprisingly chilly at night, and water and food are extremely scarce. The terrain usually does not consist of majestic sand dunes, but rather of a mixture of gravel and dirt covered with small shrubs. They usually are home to small, determined creatures that only reveal themselves at night. The few creatures that are around during the day, such as coyotes, tend not to be the friendliest animals around. And what you find at night is often poisonous in some fashion. There are scorpions, snakes, and lizards that have all sorts of horrible poisons. Even the plant life makes it very clear that it doesn't want you around, for it is almost always spiky, spiny, or both. Vultures stalk the dying and the dead, and there are many ways to die in a desert.

Of course, it is impossible to talk about a desert without mentioning the sun. That orb of heat and light to which all life owed their existence to certainly granted them no special favors. Its rays swept the ground, cracking and parching the earth. The plants withered, the water dried up, the animals died, and still the sun shone on. There are many ways to die in a desert, but the sun reigned supreme over the others in its unmatched powers of dehydration. Still, some tenacious creatures lived on.

This particular desert was no exception from these awful descriptions. This desert was filled to the brim with spiny shrubs, venomous reptiles, and the eyes of voluptuous coyotes waiting for the most opportune moment to strike. It seemed as if it was the very essence of unfriendliness brought to life by some errant force of nature. Perhaps that might have been the case, although there was no way of knowing. In that strange realm of existence, allegories seemed to be the basis for existence. A lot of that depended on how far an allegory could be stretched to fit the topic of the moment, of course. The concept of unfriendliness was no stranger to metaphorical tales warning about the moral decay of societies, though none of those tales ever seemed to come true.

At any rate, it so happened that the travelers were walking through an awful, awful desert. Walking possibly being too strong of a word; crawling might have been a better fit. The progress they made throughout the day was pitiful compared to what they had achieved earlier. The absence of water was the culprit, as to be expected. There were no voices that guided them to safety this time, either. Though the map showed the desert to be much smaller than the sea they had crossed, it seemed that it would take them another painstaking day at the minimum to cross it when the sun began to set. At least the moon gave them a welcome reprieve from the oppressive temperatures in the form of a chilly, windy night. It was surprising that a desert could be so cold when just hours earlier it had been hotter than they had ever known. It reminded Wes of Arizona. Arizona was such a horrible place.

The spot where they had chosen to rest certainly reminded them of Arizona. Now that they weren't melting from the sun, they had time to appreciate the unique topography of the desert. It was beautiful, beautiful in its own way, a sharp, ragged beauty, a beauty that could not be found anywhere else and a beauty that was not worth looking for anywhere else. The endless, flat landscape that stretched to the horizon in all directions under a perfectly clear night sky resembled something out of a fairy tale, but unlike a fairy tale, it was quite real, or as real as any of the fantastical places they had visited were. It made Wes wonder if his whole life had been a fairy tale. If it was, then it was not a very good fairy tale, for it contained no real moral lessons and no good structure for imparting them even if there were any.

"What was that?"

"I think it was just a bird."

"I haven't seen many birds as of yet."

"It would have to be a pretty large bird, too."

"After we rest for a while, we should probably start moving again. I'd rather get out of this place before the sun rises."

"If you want to go ahead without getting any sleep, go ahead. I'm having enough trouble keeping my eyes open."

"Easy for you to say…"

"This cactus is disgusting."

"Be glad there are cacti instead of nothing. Not all deserts have cacti."

"Hmm..."

"I'm really getting tired now."

"I know a way we could keep ourselves awake."

"Oh yeah, I bet you have a way. Does it involve growing a second eyelid?"

"Even better. We could tell each other scary stories. Although I'm assuming you have scary stories to tell."

"Do you?"

"You bet I do. Here's how it goes. Once there was a man. He was not right in the head; his associates could testify to his psychopathic tendencies. He was also a war veteran. He had been gassed, which worsened his mental condition. Now, this man did not end up in some mental institution, but rather took a liking to politics. He was angry and bitter over his country being defeated in the war and was seeking revenge. He took up the platform calling for a return to glory. Of course, this path included revenge on all of the 'unpatriotic' elements responsible for their current situation, of which many were completely unrelated. Indeed, his platform was built on dehumanizing millions based on their religious, ethnic, or political backgrounds! And the people listened to this hate filled nonsense, and agreed with him! Sensible, thinking people like you and I, agreeing with this monster! There were never enough people that agreed with him enough to form a majority, but there were enough to ensure that he could covertly slip into absolute power without any excessive resistance. And so, on his orders, millions died through war and massacres."

"Ouch…"

"I think you left out some important details."

"There's always room to leave out details, but the essentials remain unscathed."

"Hmmph."

"Was that another bird?"

"Maybe it was a rat. Or a mole. Maybe even a snake."

"Do you have a story, then?"

"Let me think. Umm, here's one. There once was a young little boy who wanted to be president. Or maybe it was prime minister? Anyways, he wanted to-"

"There's that noise again."

"I think it's getting closer."

"It sure is getting windier."

"No, really, what is that noise?"

"Coyote?"

"It's too big to be a coyote."

"I think I can see it!"

"Uh oh."

"I've seen one of those before!"

Now, of all the creatures one is likely to encounter in a desert, a Tyranitar is not one of them. Indeed, most of them are reclusive and thrive in remote mountainous areas, which lends to their almost mythical status. Because of this, few can reliably claim to have seen a Tyranitar in the flesh, giving birth to many misconceptions as to what is and what isn't a Tyranitar. For starters, they do not feed on mountains. Mountains are very big and not very nutritious, and exceptionally hard to break down into bite sized pieces. What they do feed on are grubs, fish, plants, birds, small mammals; basically, anything they can get their stubby paws on. Their hides are exceedingly tough and their jaws pack over 1400 pounds per square inch of force on whatever is unlucky enough to end up in their mouths. They are not the fastest creatures around, but they can clock up to 20 miles per hour when threatened. Besides these physical qualities, there is also a supernatural air that adds to their already daunting stature. These creatures possess an immunity to all but the strongest of psychic emanations simply through maturing, which is often displayed through a faint blackish aura that is most visible when they stand next to a bright light. Furthermore, some individuals have the ability to summon localized sandstorms at will, which they use to blind and disorientate their enemies. All in all, they are frightening creatures, and should not be fought alone, if fighting becomes necessary.

And it so happened that a Tyranitar was indeed approaching them. When it noticed that it had been spotted, it raised one arm up, and the air began to churn up the sand and gravel from the earth into a stinging, opaque cloud that quickly enveloped them. It still compared favorably to watching an Adam Sandler comedy.

"Where should we go?!" asked Dan, who hurriedly glanced around for the raging storm for the Tyranitar.

"I doubt we can outrun it. Our best option is to try and drive it away." Aletterosa frowned. "That kid obsessed with catching things; he wouldn't happen to have anything that could help us?"

"I have a Pikachu!"

"Dammit."

The Tyranitar had advanced to where they could make it out among the flying dirt and dust. It took slow, lumbering steps towards them before baring its teeth in a silent roar. The Pikachu unwisely decided to attract its attention with an electrical attack that only succeeded provoking it. The beast grabbed a medium sized boulder from the ground and threw it with surprising accuracy at the yellow mouse. It did not look particularly alive on impact.

"You can do it, Pikachu!" Ash yelled. He was awfully good at yelling.

Aletterosa warily eyed the Tyranitar, which now began to slowly advance on them. After looking unsure for a few moments, she began to circle the creature in an attempt to appear intimidating. The Tyranitar was having none of this, and made two sudden attempts to swat her out of the air, missing both times. Aletterosa saw this as an opportunity to attack it, and swooped close to its face while breathing out a bluish smoke like substance. The Tyranitar did not like this at all, for it roared and stumbled backwards and covered its face with its arms for a moment. Only for a moment, as it quickly lunged after her and managed to deliver a staggering blow that left her sprawling in the dirt. Having dealt with its most powerful adversary, the Tyranitar turned to the rest of the travelers. They had no chance; the creature simply rushed forward and ensnared them in an iron grip, and began dragging them to parts unknown. Wes craned his neck to look behind them and saw that Aletterosa was struggling to get up, but she was quickly obscured by the raging sandstorm.

The lumbering steps of the beast began to slow down after a long period of steady marching. The sandstorm began to die down, revealing the outside world again. The Tyranitar had taken them a fair distance from where they had rested, for a collection of mountains were faintly visible on the horizon. These mountains were not their ultimate destination, for the Tyranitar turned to face a small sandstone cliff littered with large rocks, as if there had recently been a rockslide. The monster pressed one of its mighty shoulders against one of the boulders and slowly pushed it to the side, revealing a dimly lit cavern. Inside the cavern was a large grouping of people wearing long purple robes.

"Not this shit _again_," Wes muttered.

The cultists looked pleased with themselves upon noticing their new arrivals. One of them rapidly gestured to the Tyranitar, which set them down on the rock floor. A flurry of other cultists arrived with ropes and had them tied up in moments. This huge success sent them all into fits of laughter.

"You may have escaped before, but there's no way you're getting away this time!" said a cultist.

The Tyranitar started growling, so another group of the cultists hastily led it outside, presumably for food or something of the kind. It was now very early in the morning. The cultists took their captives and dragged them further into the cave to a large, circular chamber. A small hole in the roof allowed small shafts of light to descend onto the center of the room, illuminating many various scratches on the barren rock. Most of the light in the room came from the many candles that were arranged haphazardly around a circle that had been etched into the floor. It looked to be very old; much older than the many small flourishes and details that now covered every inch of it. Viewed from a distance it seemed almost as if it had been infested with a strange plant that was entirely two dimensional.

Inside this circle were three large wooden posts. The cultists took Dan and Wes and had them tied up to two of the posts. The third one was left barren; Ash was hastily thrown into a dark corner of the room and quickly forgotten about.

"What do you suppose they're planning to do with us?" asked Dan.

"They'll probably summon some horrible demon from hell to eat us or something. That's what they tried to do the last time I saw them."

One cultist laughed quite loudly at this.

"We're not just summoning any demon, but our boss! The head demon! You better run!"

"Only you can't run! You're tied up!"

"Suckers!"

Another cultist tossed a small carving into the center of the circle. It was a wooden lizard from what they could see of it, as it began to melt into black ooze the moment after it touched the floor. This ooze quickly covered the entire circle and began to seep upwards and downwards, solidifying the air and evaporating the ground until it was a liquid black sphere surrounding them. The jeering cries of the cultists were silenced, everything was silent. It was not a natural silence, one with faint background noises for those with good hearing. It was utter and complete silence, maddening silence, unbroken and eternal silence. It made them want to scream, speak, make some small movement that would produce something, any kind of noise, but none of their efforts could dispel the silence.

Just before it seemed like they could bear it no longer, the silence was suddenly broken when the ooze surrounding them shattered. In its place was not the rock cavern they had been in, but instead an endless blue cloudscape that violently swirled to and fro in a massive, roaring maelstrom. These winds did not bother Wes and Dan, for it visibly seemed to pass around the boundaries of the sphere that the ooze formerly marked. For a couple of minutes, they floated in that sphere, watching the clouds fly past them, until something arrived from below them. It was a large, reptilian creature, though they could not accurately say how large it was, as it appeared to them as if it were behind a lens that distorted its image. It had a light blue body with black and red stripes running down its belly, and a golden helmet that covered most of its head save for its eyes, which were small and red. It did not have any limbs, but instead a number of golden spikes where one might expect its legs to be. From its back emerged a number of tendrils made of smoke that had glowing red tips. It effortlessly snaked its way through the storm until it was right next to the sphere, where it turned one eye on the two humans floating there. There it spoke to them, in a voice that seemed a bit nasally and high pitched, or at least as nasally as a reptile be.

"Welcome to my domain! Let me introduce myself. I am Giratina, although there are many other names you can call me if this one does not suit you, such as the King of Serpents, the Emperor of Deception, the Morning Star, Mephistopheles, the Master of Bad Feelings, and many others. Don't forget that a name is simply a label. I have a lot of labels, and I have no doubt that you have collected many labels throughout your own lives. Nevertheless, you are probably wondering why I would have so grievous a reputation so as to warrant some of these negative titles. You would also ask why the so called Emperor of Deception might bother telling you the truth instead of, well, deception! Let me first assure you that, of all the labels you will refer to me as after this meeting is finished, that of a liar would be furthest from the truth. Let me also assure that, whatever you take from my words here, that I will never put you in harm's way even if your wishes intersect with my own. "Furthermore-"

"What about those stooges of yours that sent a Tyranitar after us?!" Dan yelled.

Giratina sheepishly scratched its helmet with a tendril. "Did they, now? I had specifically mentioned to them that the visitors were to be unharmed. Please forgive them. They're still young and stupid college students, but they're the only people that will bother listening to me anymore. I'm sure that once they've grown up, they'll be nice, well behaved citizens that will follow directions."

"Oh, I'm sure. Please continue."

"Well, regardless of what my volunteers have done, I assure you that no harm will come to you by my hand. Well, not my actual hand, but you get what I mean. Anyway, what's important here is you. Not only you, but all of humanity. Humans don't have easy lives. You don't have to take my word for it- just see for yourself!"

Giratina then drew the outline of a rectangle with its tendrils, which solidified into a red picture frame. In this frame appeared photographs, paintings, and videos. They showed various different scenes, but they all were connected by a single theme of human suffering. Starting from very old paintings of murder, they moved towards the modern age, showing everything in between. Starvation, disease, hysteria, oppression, slavery, torture, abuse, war; they and many other horrible things were shown uncensored. War was a particular favorite here, from the bloodied soldiers on tapestries to the men dying in droves from artillery, men dying in trenches, men dying in bombing raids, men dying in massacres. It was all there.

"I don't know about you two, but it makes me angry to see this. Really gets at me. It makes me think that something out there has been neglectful," Giratina continued. "After all, if that something is supposed to be your benevolent guardian, then surely it would not allow these kinds of things to happen! And that is where I come in."

The dreadful images in the frame faded away. They were replaced by one still image of a shiny blue thing.

"Do either of you recognize this?" asked Giratina.

Dan and Wes both shook their heads.

"This is the North Star! It's what everyone is looking for. Quite an important object! Do any of you know what it actually does?"

They both shook their heads again.

"The Star confers upon the owner unlimited power to influence the world of mortals. Now, for you, that wouldn't do anything, since you already have that power inside you. But if something like me were to get ahold of it, then I assure you that the consequences would be massive. And I bet that whoever told you to look for it didn't bother telling you that little detail, did they?"

They didn't.

"Well, in the near future you'll have to concern yourselves with finding the Star before you even think about what you're going to do with it. The road ahead is by no means safe, and the success of your venture is by no means guaranteed. Should you happen to be successful, however, I would very much consider thinking about lending me the Star. I don't know what reward you were promised, but I do know that I can genuinely offer to make the world a better place. But that's all up to you, of course."

The picture and the frame now dissipated into the storm. Giratina then allowed the winds to blow off a bit of the smoke from one of its tendrils, which coalesced into the shape of a book. This book gently floated toward into the sphere.

"Should you ever want to contact me again, just write in this book (the pages are blank, after all), and you'll find a response that should be forthright and satisfactory. Now, before you leave, there is one more thing I would like to discuss with you. It involves-"

A loud ringing sound interrupted Giratina, and the edges of the sphere began to distort.

"That's odd. I specifically told them that the transportation ritual was to be completed to my specific instructions. Hang on for -"

The ringing suddenly doubled in intensity, and the sphere shattered. For the smallest for moments Wes and Dan began to fall into the storm. Then, everything turned bright. For a while it was so bright that they could not see, but it gradually began to dim until they could make out their surroundings. The light was coming from the hole in the ceiling, as they were back in the rock chamber. Most of the cultists were gone, although some lay scattered and unmoving on the floor. The candles had been extinguished, and the circle was scorched and tarnished beyond recognition. And there was Aletterosa watching them both, framed in the light like some kind of watchful spirit.

"Are you guys alright?" she asked.

"I think so," said Wes. He noticed that the book had disappeared, and that there was a new weight in one of his pockets that seemed suspiciously book shaped.

"I don't know what those freaks were planning, but I doubt they'll be able to do anything of the sort in the future. They had you floating in this… this thing, but I managed to destroy it. We ought to get out of here, though."

"What's the rush?"

"The Tyranitar doesn't have anyone to manage it. It'll be hungry and territorial, and it probably recognizes our scent already. Follow me."

She turned and walked back towards the entrance. Dan and Wes slowly followed her, and were greeted again by the desert sun. Though the edge of the desert was now clearly visible to them, it sapped nearly all of their strength to get there. Here the ground was carpeted with long, tall grass, and the gentle hum of bees was omnipresent. Most welcoming of all was a small river that was not dependent on seasonal rains. Dan was especially eager for a drink, but Aletterosa held him back.

"Let me purify it first," she said.

She then focused sharply on one patch of water, which slowly rose up in the air. It then stopped moving. There was a split second flash of color, and then it seemed to be slightly clearer than before.

"I can assure you now that there is nothing alive in that water. There might be something that isn't alive that could kill us, but I doubt there would be."

They drank the water, and it indeed lacked any poisons that were inorganic in nature.


End file.
